Ian Ferrel

the funniest thing about this stupid understanding of corruption is that it is also the definition demanded by the supreme court over the repeated objection of state and federal legislatures and the common sense of lower court judges

Corruption does not, in fact, require an explicit quid pro quo. As a matter of law, certain gifts are illegal whether anything is delivered in return for them or not. Beyond the law, gifts can create an untoward relationship with a recipient that pays off later in diffuse ways.

These dummies could have had a compliant corporate Dem with literal Uber lobbyists on her staff and instead they did school shootings and measles

Wealthy people pay others to do tedious or difficult essential labor, but this leaves them with none of the traditional markers of gender identity they covet and so they compensate for this insecurity with exaggerated performances of masculinity and femininity bsky.app/profile/kevi...

These aren't donations, they're negotiated bribes.

For tariff carveout, regulatory exemption, contract work after DOGE strips anti-corruption protocols out of defense procurement processes, etc

photo of black marker on a whiteboard drawing of a scribble that looks a lot like Kirk Van Houten's pictionary drawing of Dignity (from the Simpsons)

not sure but i think my toddler drew dignity?

“Why are people still afraid of crime? Beats us!” asks the media that adopts an it-bleeds-it-leads attitude, and is always much more aware of data limitations and uncertainty when discussing declines instead of increases.

this is a dril tweet

"I have bad news," says the black cube floating in your living room. "Starting next month it will cost ten dollars more for the black cube to float in your living room."

"But will the black cube now bring me joy?"

But the black cube does not respond.

*every website*
don’t worry, your information is safe with us!
*sometime later*
sorry, something happened

take me down to the party city
where the stores are closed 'cause of private 'quity

I'm at a weird age for holiday cards where I'm removing people from the list who died but am adding the thirds of friends now in throuples.

a coupon which says "10 likes*" and then in fine print says "* does not give you likes"

Due to the server issues some of your recent posts may have gotten fewer likes than they deserved

Please accept this coupon to rectify this, which allows you to imagine you got 10 more likes on your post than you did

A modern Christmas Carol remake where Scrooge doesn’t change his ways but instead makes his whole personality about how the woke Christmas ghosts are trying to cancel him

The Justice Department has filed a lawsuit against approximately two dogs.

Ugh FINE I'll show up to work "sober" to lead the department of defense. YES without "sexually assaulting" everyone, christ anything else?

Tweet from @jiggadrin_ Hi @HalieyWelchX My $35,000 that I purchased of $Hawk is now $2,000 after 10 minutes of buying. I am a huge fan of Hawk Tuah but you took my life savings. I purchased your coin $Hawk that you were so excited about with my life savings and children’s college education fund as well. You didn’t mention that you were going to buy 97% of the supply and sell it almost immediately to make a large profit. If I would have known that information I would have not purchased your coin. Please help me or who can I contact for refund? If not I will be forced to use leagal action. My crypto representative @cobie will be in touch.

I am a huge fan of Hawk Tuah but you took my life savings.
I am a huge fan of Hawk Tuah but you took my life savings.
I am a huge fan of Hawk Tuah but you took my life savings.
I am a huge fan of Hawk Tuah but you took my life savings.
I am a huge fan of Hawk Tuah but you took my life savings.
I am

<me talking to my wife, who is very not-on-bluesky> yeah, so the muppets history guy pulled kind of a milkshake duck but with a corndad twist. Wild!

<wife> can’t you just get really into cars we can’t afford or something?

Children in Victorian London had their own beefs in dialects practically unintelligible to us. They had gangs and clubs and turf disputes. They lived in a truly global city with telephones, telegraphs, newspapers, a robust postal service etc. Bluesky discourse would be trivial

Also they had puppets

I legit think the cynical promotion of this this is one of the most brazen acts of public evil I’ve ever seen because there is *no tradeoff* in any way that counts, there’s no complicated externality, it’s just fucking letting people, mainly children die for the hell of it.

"Please don't put in the newspaper that I'm mad"

Suing Kendrick for having a superior diss track is something Kendrick would say Drake does in a diss track

It has done Dems no political good to keep things like rural subsidies and healthcare and military bases in the south. They should be a part of every budget negotiation. "Sure, 100% on board with cutting education and school lunches, but we'll need a 1:1 cut at USDA and FHA."

I regret that I also drowned a number of wolves.

I did manage to tame them, but then they followed me like lemmings off the edge of the island the 8yo had constructed to contain them and Minecraft wolves apparently do not swim.

not managed to tame any wolves.

She has bludgeoned several to death and drowned two.

I was asked to help...

Playing Minecraft with the kids. 6yo is not that into it, but 8yo has assured her that there is an island of wolves that she can tame. Friendly wild creatures that will follow her around is a big draw for 6yo, so she is in.

Sadly, the controls are on the complicated side, and 6yo has thus far...

An open-face tart filled with cranberries and apples

A cranberry double crust pie topped with sugared cranberries

My favorite thing I ever did on Twitter was give away thanksgiving pies. It started somewhere around 2018, I think, with an offer to make pies for anyone who needed one or was going to have a lonely Thanksgiving.

2025 is gonna be watching a streamer who reads at a sixth grade level interview the secretary of defense