DoctorWolfBoy

What did the leper say to the prostitute?

Thank you so much for being kind to me. My disfiguring skin lesions acquired growing up in a developing country make it very hard to make social connections despite my not having been contagious for several decades

Maybe the fact that the only apps that don’t make you want to kill yourself are shopping apps was the plan all along

Finally scheduling a gastroenterology appointment. Maybe someone can FINALLY tell me why I poop every time I shit

T-shirt that says “I let Amazon Alexa+ rip my dick off with the new automated masturbation sleeve peripheral and all I got was this bloody stump where my dick used to be”

2026 Travel Hack: you can get a free and very interesting behind-the-scenes tour of most international airports by placing a small but loaded firearm inside the lining of your carry on bag

Talking to our 2yo after mama read her some of the Bernie Sanders book:
“Is oligarchy good or bad?”
“Bad. Don’t talk it.”

“Après moi, le déluge” meaning “after me, the flood,” a quote misattributed to Napoleon to indicate indifference toward what happens after one’s death is actually about squirting.

Patient presents with complaint that every time he masturbates, he develops a dystonic facial reaction

Angrily tearing down the maximum height barrier on the parking garage sign because I keep hitting it with my truck

So you’re telling me it’s hard to know which is worse, a fiction created by greedy billionaires or a reality created by greedy billionaires

Watching my pseudointellectual friends get cucked by chatGPT when doing banal work things like “it’s a tool!”

You’re a tool.

In music news: sexually charged new single “lick my butthole until you go deaf” by Sabrina Carpenter gets negative reception from deaf community, mainly because they cannot hear it

Full Metal Alchemist style arm tattoos but one side is the Student’s T-test and the other is Bayes’ Theorem

Free napkin with purchase

No it’ll be all American. We can collaborate with Monsanto

An advent calendar but it kills you at the end

Mourners flee in terror as vice president Cheney’s 21 gun salute fired into faces of attendees.

“They told me there’d be people like you on the outside.”

“Army?”

“No. Build-a-bear”

4 pitfalls to avoid when shopping for a new suit:
1) don’t mistake the dressing room for a bathroom.
2) don’t accidentally poop in the suit while trying it on

I predict an 18% unemployment rate by 2030.

Where the fuck is the bar in this hospital?

Fun fact the suicide rate in Las Vegas, Nevada is 100%

Petition to start calling the middle of the night “dark noon”

Mad Libs but the prompt is just the single correct answer

Why does the doctor in the “five little monkeys” song have a fake Asian accent?

Somebody’s really gotta do something about this whole Israel/Palestine deal

Sure as hell don’t care about “yOuR fAiTh” and it’s impact on your stand up comedy

USA Honmoon weak AF

I have no fucking clue how an LLM works, but I do know that computers that are on fire don’t work as well

Ableist phrases to avoid:
“You’re so lame”

“That’s crazy”

“I’m going to fucking kill you and your whole family you fucking agoraphobic bitch”

“I’m so OCD I’m always cleaning my shed”