Nagatha Christie

If you really want to fuck with someone for the absolute rest of their days, allow me to suggest telling them that every time they hear or see the word rutabaga they will think of sex with you. This dark magic curse has been in my soul for 28 years now. I guess will be free when I am dead.

a cartoon owl is sitting on a tree branch holding a coin in its mouth ALT: a cartoon owl is sitting on a tree branch holding a coin in its mouth

Superbowl LIX, you say? Indeed he does.

Covid at the Nursing Home is the name of my new post-apocalyptic rock band. Our debut album, entitled A Fever You Can Totally Sweat Out, includes the songs House of Absolutely No Memories and This is Definitely Not a Hospital.

Many birds perched in leafless winter trees. The sky is gray.

Walked outside, looked up. Okay then.

A young man at the counter of a liquor store wearing a navy blue shirt that has the number 21 printed on the back.

I told them they didn’t need to card this guy because he is clearly 21.

A photo of a medium-hair tuxedo cat in mid-yawn (maybe) with a mouth full of hair. His toes are spread wide and his fur is very scruffy.

This is a very good photo, no?

Did my yearly planning a few days ago and I’ve totally got that “new year new me” energy. It’s awesome! I feel like I should do yearly planning every two months or something.

Hello 3am my old friend.

I walked out of there feeling like I’d crash landed back on earth inside a zorb. I’ve had some wild trips, even long silent retreats that hit differently, but this experience was so unexpected, and just so fun.

In my mind I saw the northern lights in the clearest starry sky I could possibly imagine. Glimmers of light morphed into rough sketches of creatures and people.

Had a #reiki session last month and I walked out with such a profound sense of gratitude and wellbeing that I had to do it again. Today’s session was … different. Like the closest I’ve ever experienced to doing drugs without actually doing the drugs.

Fox boop

A group of people you never want to see again is called a Facebook.

A group of children is called a migraine

This same thing happened to me. Mine were imported too, and they all had the correct dates until an update hit and set all of the dates to import day. Now it’s a bit disorienting back there. :/

TFW you spend 8 hours at the emergency vet to find out your dog has $1800 worth of gas.

I wish I could say we are long lost twins, but alas this is more likely. (So, so much money.)

If my personality can be described by what I bring to the emergency vet at 5am, let it be known I brought coffee, my iPad, and a dog that started acting 100% normally the moment we walked in the door.

Google does not seem to understand that I do in fact mean to be searching for secretary of nagriculture.

Salad drawer science experiment.

It’s a good thing there are Best By dates on these salad bags so we can accurately gauge how long it’s been since we cleaned out the fridge.

A triple shot of espresso and let’s goooooooooo Thanksgiving! Keep your politics hole shut and just feast! ☕️

How one loses so many heads of precious garlic - I do not know but I did it. I’m ready to hire a hypnotherapist to walk me through my memories because where the heck did it all go?!

When I split up this year’s garlic, I planted the largest cloves. Then I set aside some medium-sized ones for a friend to plant. And then I LOST all of the rest of the garlic that I had planned on using for the next year.

I think I may be Trey. Send help (preferably have them bring a notebook for jotting down ideas and a cozy blanket but not too cozy I guess because I have things to do later).

On this day, a milestone birthday if there ever was one, I am feeling thankful for friends and loved ones and especially the women in my life who have held space for me to let go and find my way. What a wild ride it’s been, and here’s to more wrong turns that end up exactly where we should be.

Also don’t tell the tarot people but it’s also a super cool party trick. An 11 year old told me last month, “the cards know too much.” No sweet thing, you do. 🖤

Like reading a book, I can walk away from a tarot reading with maybe a new way of looking at or handling anything going on in my life. But it’s just reminding me what I already know.