puppet | MDNI

drawing tdick to quell The Voices

don wana go to my apointment i wana stay home n be schizo in peace

what if no one abused me and i was just born a sexual deviant :( what if i falsely accused him

my biggest wl motivation rn isnt even my appearance tho,, i need to lose fat for the warmer months or i will want to rip off my skin

tw bc
arm check
gained a lot. im so flabby now. trying not to let it get me down

its good that im too socially isolated to access hard drugs bc even dxm has me wishing i could trip 24/7

+ i know to keep myself busy when the urges hit, and i can prepare harm reduction meals or other coping skills

i hope this makes sense im rly high 😭

the 2 biggest things that helped me break the bp cycle were getting on the right medications and learning my binge triggers so i could plan how to cope before the urges hit. for example - food insecurity is a bp trigger for me, so if my fridge starts looking empty, or my safe foods run out,

i was overweight or obese most of my life from BED so wanted to comment:
1) get ur thyroid checked out
2) if u have a psychiatrist, ask abt meds for treating binge eating. sertraline, wellbutrin, other weight-neutral mood stabilizers
3) find a replacement behavior that also produces dopamine

real i keep checking it for the spo but its so insufferable i end up clicking off

ur cardiol0gist needs to find a new job /hj

he also saved my life multiple times and is a huge part of the reason i got away from the cult / abuse ring i was trapped in so i still rly rly want us to be able to heal n grow together :(

hes nonbinary not a man but yeah :( i know everyone is going to say its abuse and this is going to sound like im making excuses , but he rly is doing a lot lot lot better than when we first got together. i was having flashbacks / bpd split when i posted this, he rly is trying, just a rough journey

none of this is self deprecation. im just reminding myself who i am. i mustn't forget im subhuman

how cruel and insatiable i am

stupid of me to think i was mature enough for any relationship. im meant to be alone and invisible. how many tragedies will it take for me to learn that

need more bruises need more pain maybe someone will love me then

i have only my shame

compulsive sexual behaviors

i just want to safely regress just once just once

the body of chr1st is just a loaf of cornbread

if nobody got me i know Walm4rt Canned corn in Canned vegetables got me can i get an AMEN 🙏

glad u guys r enjoying my psychosis ramblings lol

hes alive. i think i died a hundred times waiting for his reply. nothing is real. nothing has meaning. i despise every inch of myself

i wish i had never existed

checking the same 2 apps for hours waiting for him to say hes still alive

i dont have blades that r sharp enough for what i want to do to myself

sick sick sick sick sick im so sick im so sick i want to cut open my soft little tumy and pull out all my ugly rotten insides and string them around my neck as a noose

i think maybe im the one in the wrong cuz he just went thru a lot of realy realy traumatic stuf and i shld hav thought of that and made him my first priority but he also was telling me to take better care of myself and stop pushing myself as much so i dont know what im sposed to do