Jack Slime

I saw a bald eagle taking finasteride

If your old enough to carry a coffee while trick or treating, you're too old to trick or treat

Mr. Mom is a Halloween movie.

More people die in John McClain movies than horror movies. Die Hard should actually be a Halloween movie; not a Christmas movie

Looking for those who believe the Rapture is tomorrow to Venmo me their filthy worldly money. Thank you in advance.

Charlie Kirk says gun deaths "unfortunately" worth it to ... The conservative founder of Turning Point USA made the comments following a mass shooting in Nashville last week that resulted in six deaths.

www.newsweek.com/charlie-kirk...

Yeah, there's probably a lot of men with knives in that restaurant. That's how restaurants work

Your mammas so fat but also motivated, she has a chocolate chip on her shoulder

Fire away 💣💣

Turns out hulk hogan wasn’t immortal, just immoral

Maybe if JD Vance gets involved he can kill the tariffs too

We used to say things like “what happened to critical thinking?”
Now we say things like “what happened to common sense?”

I know I’m getting older because the thought of seeing a Billy Joel stadium concert show sounds less and less threatening

Society hasn’t seen a heel turn quite like Adblock Plus

Gotta love people still complaining about George Soros while Elons giving out million dollar checks

When people find out what I do for a living they always say “oh so like the 40 year old virgin?”
I say no, it’s more like Small Soldiers with Phil Hartman. I’m the balding dad who’s trying to find the next big toy hit, and doesn’t realize his profession is trying to kill him

My Randy and Carissa figures have arrived just in time for Valentine’s Day! @scottaukerman.bsky.social @lilyyily.bsky.social @timbaltz.bsky.social @cbbworld.bsky.social

In the End Zone After a month of saying things like “Voila” and “Mon dieu,” I am back on American soil.

"How did the United States allow itself to be turned into a wholly-owned subsidiary of a ketamine-addled South African white supremacist and his junior partner, a thin-haired retired game show host?" michaelianblack.substack.com/p/in-the-end...

You never hear someone say God just asked me to sacrifice myself or sell off all my stuff for the poor. It’s always “God just called me to start this mega church In Westfield and he needs me to have $3 million salary”

“He’s only been in office for a few days”

For the next 30 days, we will post a figure that we’ve produced!

Day 10: The Headbangers Mosh and Thrasher Wrestle-Something Wrestlers Series 1 Figures

This set is SOLD OUT! Get our other figures before they sell out too, at figurecollections.com!

Getting daily emails from businesses. Discount Tire sending me daily emails about instant savings on Firestone and Yokohama. I love that they think I’m over here just thinking about tires on a regular basis

They call them essential oils but I haven’t used any this whole goddamn time

Without magazine covers, I have no idea what the conversion of $3.99 usd to Canadian is

“The new AI model DeepSeek is a big deal because it acts more like a detective than a librarian.”
When you ask it a question, it’ll say “let me go find the answer right now instead of already knowing the answer.” Okay, so what you’re describing is Google? DeepSeek invented Google. Good job folks

Internet searches are really personal. That’s why I start every search with “my friend David wants to know”

For the next 30 days, we will post a figure that we’ve produced!

Day 5: EFFY Wrestle-Something Wrestlers Series 1 (Limited to 400 variant)

Get yours today at figurecollections.com!

@effylives.com #wrestling #wrestlingfigures

For the next 30 days, we will post a figure that we’ve produced!

Day 3: Macho Man Randy Savage Wrestle-Something Wrestlers Series 2 Figure!

The design, colors, and card pop hard with this one! And it’s still available at figurecollections.com! #machoman

For every “patriot” that spent the last 4 years complaining about every flaw in government leadership, I hope you plan to do the same for the next 4 years.