Cheer up pal

There needs to be a term for reaching the age where you take a food product to the window to read the cooking instructions

Skills include: turning the hob buttons on* with my belly

*accidentally

Oh cool

Can not be doing with the lucky dip, that is a new tub on vanish & digging for the scoop

Who the fuck says bloody?

People having a sleeve of tattoos is the modern day equivalent of kids grafting their pencil case or putting stickers on their folders

It’s mother ducking moths as big as bats flying in your face season…, or was that just a bat 🤷🏽‍♂️

Actual lols

Let it be known: a decision has been made., tonight we shall dine on egg n chips

Are you happy now?

a man in a black leather jacket says " i think you 're kind of rude " ALT: a man in a black leather jacket says " i think you 're kind of rude "

Using a cash machine that charges for withdrawals

Might do a dissertation just for lols on people who post hospital selfies on the socials. Extra points for gown, cannula, “u ok hun” and “take care m8” comments

Just casually sat here indoors sweating., eating a lasagne for two on one of the hottest days of the year so far

And the pride of Britain award goes to…..

Might watch Gladiator II later., the plot looks really good

Sat indoors sweating., because that’s nice 😒

Update please

Hobbies include: adding chilli flakes to every mother fucking thing I cook

Fuck it let’s go with the smelly meat and smoked cheese lunch

Me: I’m his husband
<he cautiously hands over keys>
Me: Is your ride going to be long, would you like a drink
Him: No, but can I use your toilet

I think what I’m getting at, is if I were a woman would he have just assumed I was the wife and hand over the keys without asking?

Get home from the school run to a man dropping off my OH’s car after service. He’s just stood there by the car holding the keys (hadn’t told us in advance was coming):
Me: Hi, do you want me to take the keys for you
Him: Are you Mr.****
Me: No, but I live here
Him: Are you sure you live here
Me: Yes

In reality, do people really get locked in walk-in freezers as much as TV would lead us to believe?

a man is sitting at a table with his hand on his head . ALT: a man is sitting at a table with his hand on his head .

Three hours after eating one, it finally dawned on me why it was called the Big Arch

a close up of a man 's face with the word boys in the background ALT: a close up of a man 's face with the word boys in the background

When you slow down to let someone out, and they’re all

a cat is laying on its back in front of a fan and the words it 's sooo hot ! ALT: a cat is laying on its back in front of a fan and the words it 's sooo hot !

Of course we had the first wave of flying ants last night., thanks hottest June on record

Maybe a zip-line?

Did you source your Bermuda shorts? If not try banana republic. They might do a click n collect via next / gap

Modern day Dirty Dancing., sadly laughing to myself at this lady carrying a watermelon