Acebuckeye13

"You can do anything you want so long as you keep writing in that stupid book of quotes"

"Let's find a sexy little swing state to go to, a little minx of a state"

"If you lose your dick because you didn't deserve it you don't get it back"

🎶 welcome to the hotel Normal Hotel
🎶 checkout with the clerk
🎶 that's how hotels work
🎶 plenty of room at the hotel Normal Hotel
🎶 we won't keep you here
🎶 that's a crazy fear

A fabricated statement from Nintendo of America's Twitter account addressing a fictitious scenario in which the Earth's oxygen supply is presumed to be depleting at a rapid pace, leaving humanity with mere days to live. "This is Miyamoto. On behalf of everyone who is employed at Nintendo Co. LTD and its subsidiaries, we deeply mourn the countless human lives which will be lost due to the depletion of the global oxygen supply. To anyone who has ever played one of our games, we are eternally grateful to have created long-lasting fun and memories for you. To ease the suffering of families and children across the world, the Mario Kart World game for the Nintendo Switch 2 system will be available as a free download on Nintendo eShop for the foreseeable future. We hope this small gesture of kindness will ease the pain as humanity prepares for a worst-case scenario." The statement is distastefully plastered with logos for Nintendo and Nintendo Switch 2, as well as with a render of Mario from Mario Kart World.

A fabricated Twitter thread responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. John Default Profile Picture: "No one read this statement and thought it was distasteful? Why did Miyamoto think this would help anyone?" NintenDeen: "Simple: Nintendo is so depraved that they'd exploit a global crisis to boost the player count of the failed Mario Kart World and force consumers back into the Switch 2 ecosystem to boost sales and player numbers."

A fabricated Twitter thread responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. PlayStation Nation: "What the fuck are you doing falsely advertising sales during these trying times? I went to the website and Mario Kart World is still selling for $80 USD." Kremling Kevin: "If you actually read the statement, it clearly says the discount is available on Nintendo eShop. Meaning the application on the Switch 2 itself, not the web browser version." PlayStation Nation: "Point still stands."

A fabricated Tweet responding to the fabricated Nintendo statement. Isaboner: "Nothing for Switch 1 owners?"

Had a dream that there was global panic about the world running out of oxygen, Nintendo was the only video game company to make a statement about it, and the internet collectively spent its final hours on Earth debating whether Nintendo was being genuine or not

valentine's day isn't just for couples, it's also a day to celebrate love. for instance, i would love it if housing prices came down.

get the kid in the brown hoodie a scholarship

This boy been waiting to haul off on somebody for 14 years and today he got to live the dream and stand on the right side of history. Friday the 13th is the greatest day of his life.

"God's favorites get good hair"

it's simply not healthy to look directly at the rays. that's not a "blue sky" that's Cherenkov glow. some tweets should have "DROP AND RUN" engraved on them.

"It's an important life skill to be able to wipe one's own ass"

"I'm sick of drinking water like a fucking animal"

No son, they are not "magically delicious." The workers made them delicious. This is a slogan meant to mystify the social conditions of labor

"What about the rides on Manasonica pier?" - Lindsay, presumably having a stroke while trying to pronounce 'Santa Monica'

"If you love me and want to be considerate, remove your bones"

"You know when you think about it, lighthouse keepers are the original night auditors"

"What day is it, July 6th?"

(it was July 4th)

"I'll never love a human child the way I love this plant"

"Can the park service be more corrupt?"

Ha, I had the same thought. It's legitimately a catchy beat!

for better or worse, people will forget about that video by the end of the year, if not end of the month. but when trump finally kicks the bucket, there were be orgasmic celebrations across the US & around the world. he will be remembered as the most despised US president since WWII for generations

bullshit. I dare you to find a single person who was exploded by a direct RPG blast to the torso and has anything negative to say about the experience.

this is why you should *never* hit someone with an rpg. it’s dangerous, it’s shitty, and it’s wrong

I have no idea how so many people get so upset at her. She said some dumb things, one of many, many people to have done so. If you don't like her, she's easy to ignore!

Staring at the $5 goodwill cheese printer like it's the green goblin mask

They are, but it's mostly because it's easier to blanket-ban all chemical weapons as opposed to carving out which ones are allowed under which circumstances

read online that someone set-up a premium rate phone number where callers get charged $3.99/ min. then they posted flyers in their neighborhood that said "call this number to report illegal aliens," but the number just puts them on hold with music. so far, they've made $17,000

Fence sign says “AWARE OF DOH pleas pet dog”

Spotted on walk:

30 point swing you say?