zoë

you can make the 'a vote for labour is a vote for farage' argument in a vote splitting sense now the greens are doing so well if you like, but it is also true in the more immediate sense of them having the same fucking politics

Current toddler vocabulary cheat sheet:
“Appy” means apple
“Coff” means coffee (mine not hers)
“Muff” means muffin
“Nees” means both knees and sneeze
“Fuck” means frog

Trying to explain private, personal and public property to 2 year olds

They won’t share communal toys but they will share their own drinks

*watches as my toddler and another toddler share a drink from a sippy cup belonging to a whole different toddler* okay yeah that explains why I have a cold or a stomach bug 90% of the time now

“Well-rested” autistic woman just worked an eight-hour stress dream Image of woman with head on her work desk, holding coffee aloft

“The cats kept multiplying and escaping their carriers. One peed on the controls of the spaceship, causing us to crash land on a planet entirely inhabited by giant pirate mice, which made me miss my algebra test.”

Read the full very silly article on Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/141561...

I spend way too much time stressing about being a disgusting gremlin for someone who does not put any effort into changing the habits that make me a disgusting gremlin

I don’t know why that seems more whimsical to me than the ones lugging around greggs sausage rolls but it does

Tummy hurts :(

I’ve gained a bunch of weight in my stomach and hips and thighs and now lying down feels weird :(

Tradwifery is the socially-acceptable sissification kink for cis fems

Bonus: now you can convince independent women to spend their own money on painful hair removal and unnecessary genital surgery

Sex sells, images of women need to be as lowest-common-denominator sexy as possible without being obscene so you want her in a skin tight thong but if you can see a wisp of pubic hair of the hint of labia it’s porn so you’ve gotta airbrush her til she looks like a baby doll.

I will never get over how the specific combo of capitalism, misogyny and obscenity laws has fucked over women’s bodies.

Did someone put a salt circle round you

We only tell kids about the tooth fairy to distract from knowledge of the fairies who accept larger bones for greater rewards

Currently acceptable bedtime canon according to toddler: I legally have to start with The Paperbag Princess and finish with Bathe The Cat, the middle book can be whatever @wryterra.com wants as long as she’s sure she’s getting those two

puberty blockers should be
mandatory for all kids under 16 actually

One thing about the whole Andrew Windsor shitshow that hasn't been broached in the UK at all is that his protection only lasted as long as his mother was alive. Would be interesting to see the implications of that sinking in to the British nation as a whole.

Saw a news report yesterday about children as young as 9 being given weight loss jabs on the NHS, and I think it shows just how utterly bullshit the “lack of research into long term impacts” excuse for banning puberty blockers for trans kids really was. It’s purely ideological.

I still think about this every few weeks

Current issue: if there is a butterfly or a dragonfly in a book the toddler will do her impression which is very cute but does involve waiting patiently while she “flies” around the whole room

Are they time travellers from 1845

It was pad thai btw

Today i said “whenever i manage to cook something all three of us like i feel so proud” and the moment it came out of my mouth i was just like. Wow. I really need to achieve more with my damn life

Please donate to the zoe tries to find loopholes with god fund

It is very important that i get this money as soon as possible so i can cover my whole body with tattoos before i officially convert to Judaism and thus technically still be a good little convert

You know when Terry Pratchett said 'It doesn't stop being magic just because you know how it works'? Yeah, he meant this.

“You take that back!”
“Take what back?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know”

The new Legal Eagle video is giving me flashbacks to Sarah Z’s homestuck legal shenanigans (“you reached out to me?!?!”), why is Trump’s personal attorney doing an Andrew Hussie impression