Nick from your hometown

Buddy asked me to go to a show. Let's meet at 8, he said. Ok, 9 is pretty late for me for a show. We get a drink. Doors are at 10. Too fucking late. Headliner at 11:30. Gonna Venmo him the ticket and Irish Exit. Never felt so fucking old.

One is threatening, if you're diabetic.

"A breakfast soup!" She cried. And I gave her oatmeal. "Soup for brunch!" she bellowed. And I gave her an avocado puree with croutons. "Lunch requires soup!" she screamed. And I said no, just chew.

That's how I end conversations, slowly collapsing to the ground, lying still and motionless, face down in the carpet, unless the other person wanders off.

Dude, stop posting your AI "art". You didn't make shit and you look like a fool. #aiart

"The Epstein Files will get him" is the new "Just wait for the Meuller Report!". Futile and dependant on a system that's already suborned. Sorry bud, YOU gotta just make a sign, get out there, and catch some tear gas. Wait till midterms and the tear gas will be bullets.

Write a pulp noise about getting your swords back, but you take it too far. Act 1: the cops; Act 2: interrogating the roommates; Act 3: Lead at the ren-faire; Act 3: the bodies; Act 5: the stand-off (Swords vs a gun)

Nice joke you got there. Would be a real shame if Bluesky's aggressive spellcheck made it unintelligible.

Oh I'll chop it up with them, and absolutely roast their asses the moment they step out.

Nobody in any position to actually be heard believes any of this. They don't give a flying fuck about burning flags, trans athletes, or Bad Bunnies. It's just Always Have an Enemy. Keep your enemies, and allies, spinning while you wholesale the system to you chums.

Think of the gout!

Got'em this time! Finally!

Same, but the other way around. According to my cardiologist.

Here's a secret: have young children, bring beer to the playground. I've never been more popular!

I love a good AI virgin *loads up AI porno site*

Republicans freebasing Nordic fascist symbolism BUT, naw, we want baby faced warriorlets.

Spaghetti in the streets, Spaghetti in the sheets... surprise!

In white gloves, while smoking from a vintage long stemmed cigarette holder, at a table in Starbucks.

Diamonds are a girl's best friend but she's as socially awkward as she is wealthy.

And like being a generally well-regarded dude. "Tony Hawk: What a Mench: Underground".

Domestic violence.

Ok, but then we would have to agree on a singular word for rice. Rie? Like dice singular is die. But rye is already a grain. Rici?

Rewearing it will be the first frugal thing she does. Because after the Orange One's death she'll find out his kids took all the luchre.

Good guy, good guy. But, that was a hair piece, right? It just doesn't match? I'm cool with it, alright, but, come'on.

Wait! You mean they just made it up? They didn't even try to frame her, just, like, told an easily disproven lie and asked us to take it at face value? Wow... it's bold leadership like that that wins my vote. What Mavericks! What innovators!

"Confirmed Bachelor" = gay. "Eligible Bachelor" = ol' tymie incel.

You should see their Pornhub commentary.

I have those. Wait, does this mean I'm part... otter? I just found out I have diabetes, and now OTTER. Fuck, this week was wild.

Well, I said something dumb and was called out for it. Into the waiting arms of Nazis I go. Gotta say their recruiting machine is spot on.

This is the multilayered content I crave!