windu pez

serves four bites maybe

I haven't seen every single episode but I think Stan might be the only one who's not completely fucked up. Love that for Peggy.

somebody stop him

Simpsons screenshot. A network executive makes a demand of writers: "START THINKING UP A NAME FOR THIS FUNKY ROCK, SOMETHING ALONG THE LINES OF, SAY... "COALIE" ONLY MORE PROACTIVE."

There's a high likelihood someone pitched this joke as a line for Jack in the 30 Rock writers room in the early 2010s and someone said "No that's too on the nose"

going on one of my patented "shits"

Actually sure they're allowed to come piss too

The fascists to be clear not the fab 5

The only common ground I want with these people is a patch of it that they're six feet under and I'm taking a big piss on

Whoever's job it is to change Trump's diapers: if you do a slightly bad job such that he gets a rash then no one could reasonably prove you did it on purpose. Imagine if he died of butt infection from too much poopy didi. You could bring this into the world by just being a little bit sloppy.

I just want to clarify that I am not interested in answers at this time

when you get your password wrong to unlock your computer why does it think about it for a second? Like dawg you knew immediately that I made a typo why are you going "🤔 Hmm let's see..."

FROM: pphil@weather.com
TO: pedoguy@epstein.net

Hey J if I can come to a wild "party" looks like spring might come early ;) PS we are doing crimes

Punx

Wow can't believe they found Punxatawney Phil in the Epstein emails

reposting with alt text for accessibility:

Sight in San Francisco (from a friend)

This is something I would do a cuckoo hand signal about if someone said it before 2017 but I'm wondering if Trump purposefully scuttled the Kennedy Center because they gave Obama an award

Pinterest’s business model has always been built on theft. They literally stole images off of the open web and put them on their servers behind a login. So of course they’ll happily jump on the plagiarism machine.

Like is this meant to be a dig at Epstein that he was too inefficient at being a sex crimes guy?

skipping over the ten obvious levels at which this is pathetic, it's also very funny that he's saying "I would spend AT MOST 1% of my attention on being a pedo and arranging for child sex trafficking."

You know that show about people who are highly educated, work hard, and save peoples lives? What if we made a show where we reversed all of those things

say what you will about winter, there's simply no denying that it's the number one season for salves, creams and unguents

you have a very strong self-resemblance. You've got your eyes.

feels so stupid when you see a picture of someone as a kid then you say something to them that boils down to "wow you look so much like yourself"

Aw man I forgot Rudy Giuliani is still alive. That sucks.

And also he uses two spaces between sentences like a Gen X nerd ass dork

This is extremely beside the point, but it's very surprising to me that this one from Musk is the only Epstein email I've seen that actually uses capitalization and punctuation

A bucket of ice water poured on the genitals would at least get results

They couldn't reach the little glow in the dark handle to get out

While Murphy and Blumenthal call for reform, Markey in Massachusetts is calling for the abolishment of ICE

Today in loathsome ad copy: "Pov you don't hate pants anymore" (no, it wasn't even POV)