Ichacawab

I've only ever faked an orgasm once.

Not my proudest moment, the shame, the subsequent guilt and the look of horror on that mugger still haunt me!

Today's Yoga pose:

The Imposing Chicken

Two words....Lea Thompson!!

Victims....friends....semantics!

Here's your chance to vote on the Express poll about the new US trade deal...

(NOTE: The link will take you directly to the poll, bypassing the main Express website, so you won't be contributing to their ad revenue. Ignore the request for an email address.)

xd.wayin.com/display/cont...

The USA saw Starmer coming a million miles away...

There's a reason why nobody else has agreed a trade deal yet: you don't reward bullies.

www.commerce.gov/news/press-r...

We fought tyranny and triumphed, forging a league of nations that we divorced ourselves from....and signed a detrimental trade agreement to appease a tyrant on the 80th anniversary of VE day ..*slow clap*

Starmer: "I have in my hand a piece of paper...."

I was running late, and ended up running so fast that I travelled back in time...and it's taken this long to get back to here.

When a WW2 veteran runs over a Swasticar in a Sherman tank

I'm so sorry Tan....yeah....will delete. Soz

TODAY'S YOGA POSE:

The Flatulent Windmill

It's when they bring them in and you start shouting, and they let go of them and just fuck off out the house again leaving you with a half chewed rodent or bird that decides to go to the most remote crevice in the entire postcode!! Cnuts they are!!!

Not meaning to worry all of you sat waiting to see your therapists right now....but check the amount of space after "the". It could be two words!

As soon as I saw that, I actually could smell White Musk and Dewberry

Human-nip!!!

Do you remember that "browning" liquid you could buy for microwave cooking? I have an inkling of where the surplus from the 80s went!

I remember the ending of the Caves of Androzani vividly....most men my age do as Colin Baker's appearance was overshadowed by Nicola Bryant's cleavage 😁

I have literally just been listening to this!! Utterly sublime!

Oh Polly......

*Sigh*

*Zip*

Thus making the rest of the world NOT wanting to buy your goods even more!!! *Slow clap*

Been trying to suckle my toaster onto the new washing machine but can't find the teats. Must have been mis-sold a male one (again!) #bbcwatchdog

The wife's been re-reading 50 Shades Of Grey. She purred at me that she wanted to be put in the red room!

So i'm sat here with my cocktail, watching the fire brigade trying to cut her out of the post box! #goodgame

TODAY'S YOGA POSE:

THE DEFLATED PUG

I'm so sorry for you, but congratulations on your composure. If you still have any sway in the UK, can you stop the Wotsit Joffrey's state visit in September please?

I'll have a proper read of this later, but these look like cymatics!

He "doesn't understand one simple truth"!? Only one!!??

Cheetos Joffrey is probably too busy wanking over coins with his fat head on them and trying to make Covefe happen

Get your tongue right up there Gav...that's it! Clean his teeth!