👽

a man sits on a couch with two children wearing tin foil hats ALT: a man sits on a couch with two children wearing tin foil hats

When you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em!!

me: hey buddy, why the long face?

Mr. Ed: SHUT THE FUCK UP!!

I’m bored, friend zone me!

so very 😈

opposites attract yet I’m still unattractive!

carve my initials into your pumpkin or I don’t want it!

Dress as “ICE” for Halloween or too soon?

“A penis on both your houses!”

~ Shakesporn probably

is this place dead now?

hey pretty girl, mind if i make you my phone background?

sorry ladies, work says you can’t post boobs on my TL anymore cause it’s distracting but I say screw ‘em cause you will not be silenced!! So post away!

there are so many hot girls at this Slurpee machine!

I say that to my coworkers too but I’m not in the health field 😬😬

🥴

Yes to all of this and your pinned!! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

Thank you kindly.

my birthday >>>>> your monday

If you think you’re too good to eat ass you’re above the rim.

The subtle foreplay of gaslighting

I had an awful bratwurst this weekend. Out of ten, I give it a nein!!

“Have you checked the children?”

them: “I don’t like horror”
also them: a horrible person

a group of people are sitting in a park with a white truck in the background . ALT: a group of people are sitting in a park with a white truck in the background .

here for it!!

In my Chandler voice “Could you be any hotter!!”

what an absolutely awful day 🌥️☁️

Yes!! 😍😍

I don’t care what you say, everyone has their favorite shitter at work!