Anthony D. Herrera

It's clear now that the brazen thefts of such world monuments as The Statue Of Liberty and The Sydney Opera House by arch criminal Carmen Sandiego were simply high-profile distractions to mask the existence of international pedophile rings.

Three panels: In the first, a cat head balanced on a worm asks a a floating umbrella with a face, "Looking forward to the Winter Olympics?" to which the umbrella responds, "An amazing inquiry! Thank you for the communication!" The second panel is the umbrella alone saying, "Think of it! Ice Skates! Points! Gold! The United States of America! Third panel is same as the first with the cat head balanced on a worm saying, "I'm really excited too!" to which the umbrella responds, "I'm Not! That was a list of things I hate! You're the best at not vibing with me!" Everything is drawn very poorly.

That's supposed to be a cat head balanced on a worm.

Got new sheets for the bed. Red swirly patterns. Making me overstimulated. Rowdy as fuck. Causing scenes at the Olive Garden. Eating my spaghetti weird. Punched out the passenger window of a Kia. Family burned the sheets. Got me beige ones. Just a drone now. Like the rest of you.

Sorry about that. Fucking got hacked by Gioachino Rossini
again.

Figaro! Son qua
Ehi, Figaro! Son qua
Figaro qua, Figaro la, Figaro qua, Figaro la
Figaro su, Figaro giu, Figaro su, Figaro giu
Pronto prontissimo son come il fumine
Sono il factotum della citta
(Della citta, della citta, della citta, della citta)

It's clear now that the brazen thefts of such world monuments as The Statue Of Liberty and The Sydney Opera House by arch criminal Carmen Sandiego were simply high-profile distractions to mask the existence of international pedophile rings.

He was found in his garage. Story Book Love from The Princess Bride soundtrack was playing on a loop via his Alexa. Stabbed himself in the heart with his right hand. In his left was clutched a copy of Maxim magazine. Carmen Electra on the cover. The officers agreed that it was a gentlemen's death.

He was found in his garage. Story Book Love from The Princess Bride soundtrack was playing on a loop via his Alexa. Stabbed himself in the heart with his right hand. In his left was clutched a copy of Maxim magazine. Carmen Electra on the cover. The officers agreed that it was a gentlemen's death.

A saint or something must've sneezed on our doorbell camera because the images it now captures show not the physical being but the precise mutilations of their souls which has made it very difficult to identify who exactly has been shitting on our porch.

Watching the Olympics. The ice has rebelled and is now skating on flesh. Scott Hamilton is weirdly enthusiastic about the situation.

A saint or something must've sneezed on our doorbell camera because the images it now captures show not the physical being but the precise mutilations of their souls which has made it very difficult to identify who exactly has been shitting on our porch.

Went down to the park to do circuits around the track and as I was leaving a representative of the city and several members of the public approached me and gave me a sash and a certificate and congratulated me on, "Having the sassiest lil' walk we ever did see."

Not all sinkholes drop in to Hell. Yes, most sinkholes are gateways to Hell but a fair few just go to the center of the Earth which is not Hell and still others lead to unknown realms which by definition are all places not known and Hell is known.

Went down to the park to do circuits around the track and as I was leaving a representative of the city and several members of the public approached me and gave me a sash and a certificate and congratulated me on, "Having the sassiest lil' walk we ever did see."

Y’know, the stars could completely rearrange themselves and I wouldn’t have a fucking clue.

They just crushed a baked potato and covered it in cheese and fajita meat. It's fucking incredible.

Alien species interbreed with us specifically to get big asses into their gene pool.

Always inspiring to see the growth of an artist.

Was slightly criticized so have been visualizing violent scenarios for 36 hours.

I think this is one of those times when I'm really not meeting anyone halfway.

I know this because I had a friend who'd constantly think about me, George Wendt, and Brian Dennehy having a pillow fight and every time the bubble burst, he'd get mad at me even though I was the one helping him kill those little bastards with a hammer.

I know this is messed up to say but you can't think about too many fat people at once because the thought bubble above your head will collapse from the weight and you'll end up with tiny tubby thought forms waddling around and causing a ruckus.

I'll be watching that alternate Super Bowl Halftime show where a Charmin Bear will shit a football 1000 MPH straight into Hell and kill Lee Harvey Oswald for a second time.

Truman from The Truman Show was murdered almost immediately afterwards, right? We all agree on that, right?

Genuinely thought that walruses were really old seals.

Alien species interbreed with us specifically to get big asses into their gene pool.

I think the scariest thing that the aliens could tell us once they reveal themselves is that they weren’t behind cattle mutilations, but they know who is: Angels

Got bit twice at the Dollar Store but the skin barely broke and the dude seemed clean so it's probably good.

Tomorrow, Punxsutawney Phil's shadow will open its eyes for the first time and see Phil and it will mean the end of seasons.

A David Cronenberg themed version of the game Operation where you're pulling cancer guns, pieces of Jayne Mansfield's death car, and slimy fuck bugs out of a flat Cronenberg with a red light up nose.