Snooby

Whenever I get mad at someone online I grab something from my house and go outside and throw it as hard as I can in a random direction and hope it hits them

Sending a wax-sealed letter to my confidant overseas asking if he wants to grab a beer tomorrow night

Pourdd more

Careful, the floor is sticky!

The backlash from the American public is represented by my mom yelling at me

For American Thanksgiving I'm going to pour a lot of chocolate milk on the floor

(Watching the episode of Franklin where Franklin the Turtle becomes cross with his baby sister Harriett) Nah Franklin didn't have to do that shit 😭 (Posts a clip of it with the caption "Nah Franklin didn't have to do that shit 😭") (People in their 20s Like it for some reason)

Every year to commemorate American Thanksgiving I lure the dumbest meanest guy in town deep into the woods and leave him there. Done it nine times, none of em have made it back. One year I saw a will carved into a tree. Started with "To whoom it may concern". Morons

Happy to help!

Every other Saturday or so I drive along 0 Ave and huck some hotdogs and smokies and pepperoni sticks over the border in case you guys get hungry down there in the states.

Saw a cheeto with arms and legs waiting for the bus. Asked him where he was going & he said "Work", I asked what his job is and he said he works for a defense contractor. I crunched him under my shoe. He had little organs and orange blood. A crow flew down and started eating him

Took a nap and dreamt that I was on a 2-man team and we were breaking into off-limits rooms, when wed break in a crappy barebones synthesizer theme would play while an echoey voiceover went "GUBBED." On repeat. When we were in there I was like "We really should not be doing this"

Me: What's up man. Can I get some rare earth minerals
Bartender: I'm sorry bro we're out of rare earth minerals right now, can I get you something else?
Me: (Staring at the ground silent, eyes getting misty)

The show "Queen's Gambit" had a great lesson that you don't really have to grow or improve as a person at all as long as you're really good at something that gets you money and status

Man I feel like a kid in a china shop. Just bored as hell man, none of this is for me. I don't care about any of this man. I'm about to start smashing up all these plates

Yeah I know

Disgusted mankey

When you tell someone they're funny and they reply with "Yeah I know"

A fraction of a nanosecond is a picosecond #academia

Handing shakily signed tear-stained divorce papers back to my wife surreptitiously wrapped around a Smirnoff Ice

The most evil energy I've ever gotten from a band is Hollywood Undead. Never been in a situation where a Hollywood Undead song was playing in the background that didn't have sinister undertones of some kind. Sketchy hometown houseparty music

Leon Gómez 1 review 8 months ago this is our first time I went this location! so the handsome guy was on counter I don't know he's owner or manager but that guy working on point! the way he handled... more Krauszer's Food Store (Owner) 8 months ago Hhjjuhgg

First time I've ever had tomato soup and enjoyed it today #growth #alittleolderalittlewiser #gettingtoknowtherealme

Hate this shit

Don't ruin this one man

My no-bake chocolate peppermint bars that outshine Christmas cookies have caused an irreparable schism in my family

Knuckle tattoos that say

B R A T Z

Bunch of punk kids outside fumbling around on rollerblades falling flat on their asses rebelling against the culture of people who are good at rollerblading

(Tune of I Wanna Rock and Roll All Nite) I wanna fuck you like an animal

Guy just saying words to himself so the day will pass: If you want to sit down you can find your chair and use that. You can rest however long you want as long as you don't have anything else to do. If you're hungry you can cook something, or order something. You can drive your car if you need to ge