Alex Farnham

Or Tilda Swinton

You might laugh but I genuinely believe Jim Carey in a muscle suit and prosthetics would be the only viable choice.

Dropping some of my hottest invention ideas. Hoping some of them are goers.

Sometimes I don’t think I’m that much of a stereotypical dad but then Amazon recommends me a ‘thermal imaging monocular for outdoor exploration and wildlife viewing’.

“OMG don’t look now but…”

Me:

My cat died last week. He wasn’t even one year old, and it really hit me hard. Then, over the weekend, I saw that an extremely talented tattoo artist I know had some availability… and it gave me the chance to commemorate Pounce, along with all the cats I’ve lost in my life.

Hug your pets please ❤️

If you didn't know this was a popular franchise, this would seem like the biggest waste of money ever.

Scary Story Challenge — nycmidnight The Scary Story Challenge is a creative writing competition that challenges writers worldwide to create scary short stories based on assigned prompts in 48 hours.

Up for a scary writing challenge? Join me in the @nycmidnight.bsky.social Scary Story Challenge on October 31st! Learn more at nycmidnight.com/scary

I’ve not written any poetry for a while, so here’s a silly little ditty about my life at the moment. Enjoy!

open.substack.com/pub/pixelate...

How’s the writing going, Alex?

Yeah I’m into drugs:

Donkey Kong Bananza
R
U
G
S

I’m visiting my hometown and I’m spending the next two weeks on the beach.

You know you’re getting old when your ‘YOLO’ moments come from deciding to eat a ‘slightly too ripe’ banana.

DAMMIT

Two households, both alike in dignity,
In fair Verona, where we lay our scene

This, quite simply, has massive ‘Andrew WK’ energy.

Anybody want to open up a ‘How To Train Your Dragon’ themed pub and call it ‘How To Drain Your Flagon’?

I always get sad when I finish a burrito 😞

I wrote a short screenplay for the first round of a writing challenge I like to compete in each year. This year, I woke up to this delightful email. Can’t wait for round two!

I asked my 2yo son if he knows what we’re doing for Easter and he said “I will eat the Easter Bunny.”

I don’t know if this means anything but I’d like all my trans friends to know that the UK Supreme Court doesn’t speak for me. Like, at all.

I just woke from a dream wherein I made a joke that went something like this:

“What’s the point of sardines? You may as well just have a tiny tuna!”

???????

Whenever it gets above 12 degrees C in the UK, we do this:

*Dadbod optional but encouraged*

Jizz Fish is my new favourite phrase

Crazy to me that they just went ahead and called an animal ‘sperm whale’ and we were all just cool with it.

Games GREAT

Hell yeah!

I love games

Asking the Deliveroo driver if I can add him to ‘Find my Phone’.

Paint me like one of your 90s funfair rides.