Laura

getting the mic at a q&a, saying "this is more of a comment than a question" and then handing the mic back

(you might have to say it out loud)

Announcer: The next station is Sittingbourne.

Small behind me: the next station is A TABLE?

I believe they prefer to be called Americans

Big news: I just successfully took delivery of a package without talking too loud or saying "very thanks" or inexplicably trying to shake hands with the delivery guy

Uber driver has just apologised to me for slowing down to the speed limit. "There are cameras here. They try to catch you out."

Have listened to two podcast episodes in two days in which an American tries to say 'Edinburgh'. It's a close call but I think I prefer 'Edinburg' to 'Edinborrow'.

I love that Mamdani is what the right claimed Obama was: A Muslim socialist born in Africa. The right practically manifested Mamdani into existence.

Just woke up in the cinema to the rolling credits and the cold, shameful realisation that oops, I did it again.

Relatedly, I probably quite enjoyed some of The Mastermind.

ATTENTION, there is a military band playing Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins on the concourse at Paddington Station. This is not a drill.

What a weird name for a dog. But sorry for their loss.

BBC headline reading 'A big moment for France as Sarkozy jailed'

Hasn't this already happened once?

Worried Drogheda residents ‘can’t get out of driveway’ due to speeding traffic ”Some days we can’t even get out of our own driveway,” say worried Pearse Park residents who called for traffic calming measures along the busy Drogheda street.

Yet there they are in the middle of the road.

French PM Lecornu resigning after 13 hours now makes the Lecornu the shortest length to measure political time. For those of you using old measures this is 1/18 of a Scaramucci or about 1.2% of a Truss

[the shooter is unidentified] the left must be purged with the sword

[the shooter is, again, a compulsive masturbator who loved Hitler] I believe it was pascal who said that the heart has reasons that reason may not know

"Somebody saw a cockroach up on 12"

"Okay, important safety tip. Thanks Egon."

hey im putting something together for my boss for his birthday. yeah can you write a letter or better yet an insane poem or horrifying drawing about the unspeakable crimes you all have committed together

No, YOU just shouted at the TV when Bryan Adams said 'this is one from the new album'.

Mike Smith, Michael Parkinson and Sarah Greene look to camera in front of a bank of TV screens spelling out the word GHOSTWATCH

The story went on to inspire The Conjuring 2, Sky’s 2015 show The Enfield Haunting, and – perhaps most famously for those of us of a certain generation – the BBC’s infamous broadcast-once-sparking-a-reported-million-complaints Ghostwatch

Police warned angry goat on roof 'only respects one man' A routine patrol took an unexpected turn for a police in Gresham, Oregon, when they spotted a goat stuck on a roof.

Roses are red
Poems should scan
Happy 12th anniversary to this headline which says

Photo shows an empty First Class train carriage

Good: taking a Sunday morning train home
Better: upgrading to First Class
Best: being the only person in the carriage

Passenger fined after cat miaows too loudly on French train. Image shows a cat, on a train.

With all of France’s problems solved, attention turns to the scourge of loud cats on trains.

My brother-in-law's new short film is called Thanks To Meet You! and I feel extremely seen.

I've realised a day too late that a much better caption for this would have been

"The new Blair Witch movie doesn't look up to much."

Thank you.

Hey, don't kink-shame the Homoze

A birthday card reading "Happy Birthday from BECKENHAM (the POSH bit)".

Sib and fam have just moved house.

(It's tomorrow, thank you for asking.)

There was something I urgently needed to put out into the world, although by the time I came back I had forgotten what it was. But I thought I'd stay anyway.

A close-up of a woman being interviewed in front of a Swedish church which has been moved three miles on wheels

This has been an epic day