Sir Michael

Fair comment

It's so unfortunate that everyone has this unfortunate perception of me. I mean, I totally get it but it's just such a curse being a beefcake like me :(

Not sure, tbh. I could email and ask, though. Would be good to get clarification on these issues.

This is on me. I should have asked Jen more questions that you want information about. If you write out a list of door-based questions, I'm sure Jen will be delighted to hear from me and provide answers.

I hope so. I'm a good judge of these things and I really feel like Jen enjoyed chatting with me just as much as I enjoyed chatting with Jen.

A former teacher of mine once told me that there are no stupid or unnecessary questions and I carry those words of wisdom with me every day online

Not sure. Is his first name Geoffrey? If not this reduces the chances significantly.

That's not what I've heard. I've heard he's a good man who's handling the fund very legitimately and it's not his fault that the one survivor who tried to claim the money went to the wrong address and he can't be blamed for having two Uncle Geoffreys.

She's excluded from consideration as she has a totally inexplicable vendetta against me just because of all the terrible things I've accidentally done to her

This is going to be so inconvenient for me. I usually like a quiet Christmas at home spent not fighting criminals to the death. Very frustrating.

If you ask me, that charity is very dubious. The employee in the village shop who's allegedly responsible for "ripping her off" has a very respectable 71% record of charging customers the correct price and he's done a lot of good work in the community and he would rather not be blamed for things.

Some people are saying I did it to promote harmony across all the bird species. Others are saying I forgot this plot point. We can't know for sure who's right.

I understand your frustration but it's your own fault for not establishing a charity for people who can only do 45° head turns (on a good day). If you had, over 99c would be yours right now.

I know it may seem extravagant but philanthropy is just so important to me. I just love to give something back to the community

I mean, I guess I hadn't thought of it like that. But again, I'm sure they're doing something of value and it would be wrong for me to get ALL the credit... wouldn't it?

I'd rather not say

Oh no! I'm so embarrassed 🙈 This is not what I was expecting to happen at all. But please send me copies of their essays about me, thanks in advance.

Oh no, this is embarrassing 🙈 Word has got out about my donation of over €0.99 to the local owl sanctuary. I must have forgotten to tick the “Anonymous” box by accident 🤦‍♂️ Now everyone's hailing me as a hero. Please, everyone, this isn't about me! The staff at the sanctuary have done just as much!

I totally understand. Thank you for letting me know.

Thank you for this incredible opportunity. You won't regret it. I've already delegated the booking of our lunch to the successful businessperson I've just hired.

Successful business people have been gatekeeping this information from unsuccessful business people for too long. With this guide, not being successful in business will finally be a thing of the past.

Here's your next lesson in becoming a successful businessperson. Always reject the first offer:

No, thank you. I will instead offer you a compromise price of €101.01

Firstly, Pam, I must compliment you on your choice of office decor. It looks spectacular. Secondly, yes.

I'm going to pitch it to my publisher first thing on Monday morning. They'd be fools to turn this opportunity down.

You've stuck to your principles. That's much more important in business than nebulous concepts like profits, revenues and not going bankrupt.

This is a DISASTER. I'm going to be in so much trouble at tomorrow's weekly family game of Ultimate Vanquisher 😡

How dare you insinuate that I might be a shill for the wonderful desk lobbyists, whose tireless work brings affordable desks to people all over the world and who certainly didn't influence my post with their generous gift of a voucher for 5% off my next desk purchase.

Have you considered selling a second product at a profit of €8,906? This should put you firmly back in the black and on your way to purchasing that all-important l second desk 👍

Okay, as long as it's not that uncle because the last time I fell for it was very embarrassing for me and I'd hate to look foolish online again.

Hi everyone! Be sure to support Steven's uncle's business! Very good products and/or services for unspecified prices!

Sounds like a very wise story. Also, please refrain from finding mutually exclusive information in different webpostings of mine. I consider that an unfair attack on a good man.