Greg Behrens

Always kind of pictured a President swearing on TV would be cool, not a dumpy old Shrek waddling around like he never learned how to walk a straight line and looking like he stumbled out of an Atlantic city dive casino after a bender.

Eventually you gotta stop trying to get people to leave the cult and just burn down the compound.

Using an unusual tone or rhythm when speaking.
Repeating the same actions, movements, or phrases.
Unusual interests in objects or topics.
Poor eye contact and lack of facial expression.

Hmmmm kinda starting to understand RFK's obsession with Autism....

Happy resurrection to everyone's favorite radical left liberal.

I don't even let my plans for dinner slip into a work group chat...

State never been deeper.

If you think I'm gonna call a place, Red, White, and Blue Land you're living in fantasy land.

The only thing I didn't like about that performance was that it had football before and after it.

Had to pick up some litter for my cat. Hes been tossing his cigarette butts everywhere.

The flu going around right now is nicknamed the 100 day cough, but that's crazy to think we're gonna live 100 days.

This month has been the longest year of my life.

The worst is the "I don't hate anybody" type of complacency, that's great that you say that, but these guys over here, they hate a lot of people and they're saying it loud and that's a problem.

Yea guys, and when I give a thumbs up, it means death to a gladiator.

Fine, I'll buy tiktok. Let me roll this coin up and swing by the bank.

They better not take tiktok away, I'm only 997,865 views away from one million.

Scheduled my follow up dentist appointment and car tune up the same day because I love waiting rooms.

Actually guys, while we're on a roll here, I was also thinking we should call it, Albuquerque, New America.

Only a week in and it's starting to feel a little like it's not going to be, "my year".

Only dorks don't like their facts to be checked, 100% of people agree, look it up.

*coughs*
Them: "Oh no, are you sick?"
Me: "No, no, just unhealthy."

It's been four years and not one Capitol Building themed escape room.