Sara THE MURDERIEST UNICORN

WHY IS THERE A TORMENTED SOUL TRAPPED IN THE SHOULDER OF MY NEIGHBOR'S CAT

One of my favorite movie theater moments ever

At a showing of CONTACT, after waiting over two hours, a guy stood up, loudly said “Man, I thought I was gonna see alien tits!” and stormed out of the theater.

Thank you to all three!

A blonde haired blue eyed pale woman in an off the shoulder black dress and her hair pulled back in a ponytail

15 years ago today, I became disabled. These anniversaries can be so hard. Happy I Survived Day!

For the last day of Disability Pride Month, here's my angry story about accessibility.

Come for the punny superhero lols, stay for the much-needed catharsis at the end.

www.diabolicalplots.com/dp-fiction-1...

EXCELLENT ANSWER

Does the five second rule apply when the food lands in your armpit?

It’s ok, she has a multipass and is allowed

hate it when i stand up too quickly and i get dizzy and society collapses

I GOT AN ENTIRE BAKED PEACH COVERED WITH GOAT CHEESE TANGLED IN MY HAIR

So Twitter is now censoring a lot of my art featuring:
- Meat
- Skeletons/Skulls
- Blood (including stylized) and images heavily featuring the colour red
- Brains
- Closeups of mouths/teeth
- Ultrasounds
- A train
They're now invisible in the EU/UK unless you give Elon your government ID 🙃

I have no recollection of where those bodies were buried

A blonde woman with blue eyes, pressing her fingers to her temple as she reads the minds of the most degenerate people in the universe.

Dear Bluesky,

I can read your minds and it is fucking freakish in there.

Asking on behalf of my left breast, who is docile and respects rules, and who is very irritated by her sister’s shenanigans.

Dear boob-havers,

Do you have one specific boob that is always trying to escape containment?

There’s some cruel law of the universe that whenever I’ve just finished applying mascara I have to sneeze. Sneezing with your eyes open is extremely difficult.

MasterCard • 914.249.2000 (Global Headquarters, US) • 636.722.6100 (Operaction Center, US) • 971.4.391.4200 (Dubai HQ) • 305.539.2300 (Latin America HQ) • 914.249.6518 (North America HQ) • 1-800-627-8372 (US Only) • 1800-120-113 (Australia) • +1-636-722-7111 (International) • customer_support@mastercard.com • List of executives' Linkedin profiles

Visa • +1 650 432 3200 (Headquarters, US) • 1-800-847-2911 (US + Canada) • List of phone numbers by region • 1-888-289-9322 (Confidential Compliance Hotline) • askvisa@visa.com

PayPal Unfortunately, PayPal doesn't have any e-mail address, as it uses its website's customer support. You will need to log in to your PayPal account if you wish to access Customer Support lines or messages. Here's a few lines we found so far : • 1-402-935-2050 (US + Canada)

Dieselbrain @dieselbrain.bsky.social Follow the number below doesnt work, as Stripe has changed their number, and is demanding a $2.99 fee to even tell you what it is. however, this number DOES still work and will let you leave a message: (877) 887-7815

Welcome to the weekend! You made it sailor. Which censorious payment processor would you like to call first? Thanks to my moot @dieselbrain.bsky.social for the Stripe number, can confirm it works

stop-paypros.neocities.org

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Sara’s phone will always be at 27% at any given time.

I REALLY WAS TALKING ABOUT DUCK DAMN IT

I think it’s goddamn hilarious that my phone now autocorrects “duck” to “fuck”

Personally I think “I got hit in the head so hard it’s bleeding but I don’t know what hit me” miiiiiiight be a concussion symptom? Might not, but MIGHT.

Maybe he was attacked by a bird.

My mom’s husband was outside doing yard work. Something hit the top of his head from above, leaving him bleeding. He has no idea what hit him and his head is bleeding. I asked if he was concussed and she cheerfully said, “No, just bleeding.” Like she’s a doctor or something.

Among the greatest promotional photos of all time are these for the 1990 television movie of IT, where it looks like a prestige legal drama about a firm of hot young lawyers and one associate who likes to dress up like a clown.

Excuse me while I slip into something more oncoming traffic.

HIS LITTLE SNORES 💀

SO SAY WE ALL

The owner was in the lobby when it happened, so someone had to say to her “Here is your dog, and here is your dog’s ear.”