little lamb

Grift against the dying of the light

Grift against the machine

Isn’t mastodon like a website that forces you to learn how to use the computer good? That’s like in high school when your math teacher cooks you dinner and he takes the big silver dome off the food and there’s multiplication in there

Imagining coming out of a coma to find it’s no longer considered cool to have stuff gold plated due to politics and having to rethink your entire life

Before dad died he was teaching me about my penis. Now he’s gone and my stepmom hid the P volume of the encyclopedia to stop me from achieving my true potential

My dad was such a kind supportive presence to me. Every day he would get home from the mines and ask me if I learned any new dances from my video games today and he would sit back in his recliner and I would show him my moves. Not sure what’s going to happen to me now that my family is all women

Marina Hussein Abramović

This danse is not that macabre to me

The Portland frog is the hero we deserve. it doesn’t realize it’s being boiled. Dance more. Death soon.

Corn farmer: knee high by the Fourth of July. Ever heard of it you little creep?

Grave digger: yeah, we got our own version of that called four feet deep by October ten. Fuckin hayseed

If your hole isn’t at least four feet deep already you’re ngmi

This tapestry is overstimulating me

Hey siri is it catholic to smoke marijuana

“I think civics are fuckin gay!”
“Oh yeah? Well I think they’re gay twice!”

Gas station parking lots used to ring out with lively debate about civics

What about attic mold

Basement son or attic daughter

Same drawing as a painting

Beige soup

All our sins will be washed away in a sea of beige

Tonight’s pot of beans has been demoted to a blended soup

Ok I’m resolute again coach

I’m not going to be bitter when I’m old so I’m doing it now while I can still enjoy it

The Racial Slurs Database has been quietly shuttered as federal funds dry up. A lot of people are just going to be guessing who they’re talking about. Which is what maga wants I guess

What a wicked mirepoix we poix bro

Purple should be NC-17

Fisher price toy designer 2099: had an idea for a new color to use in a toy boss. Look, when you mix-

Fisher price regional production warlord 2099, cracking laser cat o nine tails: NO! Red yellow blue ONLY!

Sorry about the mess. My grandfather was Fisher Price so I have a ton of toys. Fix you a nightcap?

The fedex urge to explicitly state whether a vehicle goes in the air or on the ground via text on the vehicle itself

Don’t know how to get around their spikes to learn

California raisins