👊TRUE POPE👊

Had a dream where someone pulled a book out of a fridge that just had the words "BIG MILF" on the cover. Also Kyle Maclaughan was there. It was basically twin peaks.

I was lied to about what being a big weird cringe hairy dyke boy would mean for my life and I'm so fucking mad about it.

You hear people talk about turning into the version of themselves that they secretly dreamed of as a child. I think I've turned into the version of myself that younger me was terrified of "ending up" as. And yet. AND YET. I'm fucking great! I love my life!

Booking a sternum tattoo. Hope everyone is ready to see me shirtless again. But even worse this time.

Non-binary people come to my house and steal my clothes and then complain that my clothes are too butch. If you didn't want my gender presentation WHY are you going through my wardrobe?? Huh??

👊CATH CALL👊

They see me in my Pope mobile and they think they're doing something.

I get this one all the time

This is the stupidest joke I've ever made

As an accidentally t4t vegan I'm eternally surprised at how good I still am at cracking eggs

Younger siblings will bring you to the cinema to watch a movie about a man being sloshed around in a tube full of blood for two hours and you WILL enjoy it

I don't work here anymore this is entirely on you

Time to charm my way into a masters programme

A page from a religious pamphlet with a heading in bold that says "An MRI for the Soul"

Hmm

I said men

I need someone to feed me some Things To Say To Men About Sports as a matter of urgency.

Yeah as soon as you did say it to me I was just like "oh thank god" because I'd started to think I might have been going insane. I couldn't even figure out if any of my friends knew you because I didn't know your name 😂

It was very brief and I think I kind of panicked and ran off because I didn't want you to feel like you had to come out to me or something. TBF I was also in the phase where I'd had to do breathing exercises before putting my pronouns in my email signature. So like.

Hahahaha by "in the wild" I meant OUTSIDE of work. At what I believe was a trans event. Before we had ever even talked properly in the office. And somehow NONE of our mutual friends were there to confirm for me.

Then when I ran into you in the wild for the first time I was like "oh I REALLY hope she knows"

I did see you and immediately think to myself "I really hope she knows". So.

I'm going to make an excel spreadsheet so good that everyone falls in love with me

It's also possible that I actually seem to just like 1 very particular brand of non-binary person but whatever those fuckers have in common is not a physical trait so it just LOOKS like bisexuality to the untrained eye.

It's only for a split second, when they're in Rivendell. Full ass though.

Was anybody going to tell me about the naked dwarves fountain scene in the extended edition of the first hobbit movie or was I supposed to just find out about that while getting a full back tattoo??

Life imitates art

Marking my last day at work by just shaking my head and walking away anytime anyone tries to say goodbye to me.

I might accept it if it had FIFA grade grass but you seem to have forkgotten

I refuse to pitch for forks sake. I can say fuck

Pitch fork? I hate to tell you this but they invented that ages ago...