Half Dad, Half Misfit

Trump putting on a Jim'll fix it badge

There's something extra tragic about him putting it on himself

a man wearing glasses and a black suit is standing in front of a sign that says ' the ' on it ALT: a man wearing glasses and a black suit is standing in front of a sign that says ' the ' on it

Someone should see if he'd turn up to accept a golden Jeffrey Epstein Peace Prize, he'd be so conflicted,

"it's gold, it's a prize, but it's Jeffrey, but it's gold, it's a prize, but it's Jeffrey, but it's gold, it's a prize, but it's Jeffrey, but it's gold, it's a prize, but it's Jeffrey..."

you know how when you were a little kid you could go up to people and be like, “you, girl with the pink ponytail, do you want to be friends?” and then you were friends?

you can also do that as a grownup; they don’t want you to know this, but people hardly ever say no

ME: if pee comes out of a penis then a butt should be called a poonis

DR: okay fine stop sticking things up your poonis

I feel like there should be a competition to see what is the lamest most embarrassing award you can get a narcissistic boomer to turn up and be happy to collect

welp

People moan that forcing smartphone use is unfair on old people, but scam call centres can talk them through doing bank transfers

The real problem is the customer service at banks is worse than a scam call centre can provide

Dan Wineman @dwineman@xoxo.zone You’re absolutely right — you are Pagliacci. It would certainly be difficult for you to attend your own performance! I should not have given such paradoxical advice, and I apologize deeply for the error. There is no excuse for my failure. Nevertheless, comedy is a powerful healing force. My recommendation is to seek out live entertainment. For example, great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up. 🔗 Sponsored Reply (Great Clown Productions, Ltd.) Dec 02, 2025, 03:10 PM · · Mona for Mac https://xoxo.zone/@dwineman/115651788702895997

They've installed one of those Dyson urinals at work and I can't figure out how to use it without making a mess?

"Code 3" was a brilliant depiction of emergency services work - from things like cars driving through an accident scene, the patients' questions, the food fixations, the dark humour, the idiots asking "whats the worst thing you've seen?", the %age death to saved.

10/10

"hey, we can just use AI to decide the fines" he said flippantly in addition to his already flippant flippantry

if it's a elected official who promised to cut rates, you should get to keep their car if you catch them breaking rules, let them fuckers understand why buses and bikelanes need funding

"who watches the watchmen?"

the same general public who love filming emergency services patching up car crash victims, that's who

if you report a council or police car, you get 200% too

NZ councils should make traffic wardens redundant and replace them with an app where you can take a photo/GPS tag/timestamp of a parking violation and keep 75% of the fine they charge, also using buslanes/blocking pavements/bikelanes/using cell phones, etc

My neighbours would be bankrupt week 2

Not a nightmare! More of this please...

A book from the 19th century that depicts the Rhine Valley by creating an impression of three-dimensionality and spatial distance.
@MasayukiTsuda2 #globalmuseum #books #travel #19thcentury

The cool thing about New Zealand privatising school meals is we can see in advance what a clusterfuck privatising hospitals, water, and council services will be, but we'll still vote for ACT and National because we're comfortably racist against the people who keep pointing out they lived here first.

National are right. Councils need to stop wasting rates money on stupid stuff like free buses for people with SuperGold cards, fuck the boomers.

the debate about helmets that is based in reality is wearing one reduces brain injury. wearing a full face/chin bar would reduce further damage to your face and head. a helmet in relation to cars is it increases your ability to have an open casket funeral. this is a separate debate from bicycle

Stewart Lee: Had youthful Farage’s youthful alleged racism story been about a figure on the left, it would not have been disappeared You would think the alleged indiscretions of the youthful Nigel Farage would have drawn outrage from a just and impartial British media. Strangely, it seems they have not

www.thenerve.news/p/stewart-le...

In the run up to the US declaring new wars and attempting to occupy more countries like Venezuela and Canada, it's interesting that they show potential collaborators how they'll be treated if they help against the current regime... by deporting all the Afghans who ever helped them...

Away in a manger,
no crib for a bed,
Little Gregor Samsa,
found himself transformed into a horrible vermin

Transformers needs to modernise, when I was a kid we had cassette tapes that changed into evil robots, they should make spotify streams that turn into evil AIs

Diabetes doesn't exist and insulin gives you autism

I think they should just stop pandering to confused boomers and read the Cass report and stop prescribing metformin and insulin, it's not safe to use, nobody ever had diabetes until the boomers started making up medical conditions for attention

Erectile dysfunction doesn't exist and Viagra gives you autism

I think they should just stop pandering to confused boomers and read the Cass report and stop prescribing Viagra/Cialis, it's not safe to use, nobody ever had erectile dysfunction until the boomers started making up medical conditions

Let’s be honest: nothing Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin have done in the last 56 years justifies the tremendous cost of bringing them back from the moon. NASA should’ve spared the long-suffering taxpayer and left them up there

It's almost Thanksgiving! Got an ICE member coming for dinner at your house? No you don't! Can't stop them because you're not the one hosting? No problem. You can shun them, mock them, shame them, cough in their food. They get the weird chair. No weird chair? Make a weird chair.

my most butlerian jihad coded belief is that we should probably make it illegal – and more importantly, we should work toward a cultural consensus that it is immoral – to design a computer program whose interface uses the first person