dare sayer

As a Californian it’s always mad impressive when people take a quick weekend driving trip to a different state. Like yeah we can do Vegas (4-5 hours) or Phoenix (7 hours) but that’s a lot. Imagine doing 3 hours and being 2 states away

As a man, why are you ordering a flight at a brewery

Having my best hair day in years

Real lovers kissed through masks during Covid

I feel like it would be fun to work the bar at a corporate holiday party. Maybe the attendees are hot/dressed up, tipsy, and tipping well. Or they’re drunk, rude weirdos, and you bond by complaining about them with your bartending company coworkers later over whiskey

Happy for you!

Was it good?

If you ever see me talking about “ups and downs” in an anniversary post, I have been kidnapped

Geese/Goose is the Band of Horses/Horse the Band of the 2020s

I always crop my screenshots. Why do you people deserve to see my phone’s time, WiFi/network situation, and battery percentage

It’s almost embarrassing how easily I fall for any modern garage band song with surfy shimmery guitars, punchy snare rolls, and affected, lo-fi vocals

Tradwife hours (moving beers from garage fridge into main fridge)

Me looking at my mutuals adoringly

Man fuck it!!

I have an idea for a wholesome meme but it involves a pic of Tr*mp

No one can stop you from speaking to yourself the way a parent tries to impart resilience into their kid

For a brief time at my old old job, my nickname was Party Bus

Could I rock a tuxedo?

“High body count hair” changed my brain chemistry

Mine get trimmed every few weeks

If a woman cutting her bangs is a cry for help, a woman growing her bangs out is signaling that she is committed to slow, steady growth over the long haul

Saying “thank you for your service” to Costco employees on cart return duty

I did refer to the nausea as “our nausea”

I would be so honored and yet so offended if someone ever drew me

My hottest take as a childfree person is that I think it’s fun when kids are at weddings. They are fun as hell on the dance floor. You can give them a little task and they will take it so seriously. They are in the wedding pics and it’s so fun to capture them at that moment, a slice in time.

Imagine she wrote a profile of you and *didn’t* become obsessed with you. Was professional and didn’t bang you. I’d be pissed

Today is the day Bluesky got the juice

Some people go to Hollywood Men for their 40th, some go to Medieval Times. It’s all great and I’ll show up for all of it to celebrate friends!