Mid-ass vampire

I'm not fit for work, and I certainly can't return to a careless normal otherwise, but I can kind of live again. It's a good sign that it was surprising how draining it was to read for half an hour this morning, I think.

I mean I've made a LOT of progress in the past week, tbf. Reading is fine as long as I keep a limit on it (annoyingly, the appropriate limit is hard to intuit), video games are mostly fine, and the other day I managed a 20-minute walk without collapsing for the rest of the day.

I'm getting close to the seven-week mark now and I'm still in such rough shape I'm starting to wonder again if I'll actually make something resembling a full recovery. I know I shouldn't worry for another few weeks yet, but...

That's twice now I've been spoiled on plot beats I think I would have LOVED if I got to run into them myself, just for being a little too nosy.

I guess I know whose attention I've attracted...

I just wanted Smirke's list and a reminder on when Decker first appeared! Why does the wiki immediately talk about a major later plot point on both pages?

After several months long break from The Magnus Archives, I decided to risk a peek at the wiki to refresh myself on things I'm sure I would have remembered if not for the break and covid fucking up my brain

I was instantly punished by having what seems like a major plot point spoiled 😭

I am starting to realise, though, I kinda miss the insanity? I've barely heard of the wacky shit going on in the rest of the world for the past month and that's almost creating an illusion things have calmed down.

Hiiiii oomfies unfortunately I didn't get better and touch grass about it for three weeks. I got just good enough to feel fine Doing Things and immediately broke my brain for about two. It's mostly been a negative to be mostly unable to read, but not being on here has been a mental health positive

If light activity in the form of video games can eat the next few days without much damage, it's basically over. Not back to normal, not at all, but it makes the rest of my recovery so much easier

Day 12: I am shakily touching video games again. Reckless? Yes, but at some point I need to weigh good rest against my sanity.

So strange to suddenly wish video games would eat MORE of my time disproportionate to my experience

Part of this is unusual sensitivity, but I think a significant portion is just how I've never had to listen to my noisy fridge for this long on end before. For all but an hour here and there, in the past few years I've either been outside or had something else drowning it out.

Day eleven: jfc how is it only a week since cold symptoms subsided? I feel like I've been locked in this room staring into space for at least a month.

Thankfully I'm recovered enough to channel my growing insanity into creative output on a ttrpg campaign

I wish I had earplugs I could sleep in because fuck thiiiiiiiis

I can't deliberately exhaust myself to take the edge off either because my body needs every bit of actual energy and breathing room it can get to heal rn

The fridge, the water pipes, the ventilation, buzzing and humming I can't even identify from at least three different sources. AND THEN there are vehicle sounds and wind from outside?

Plus random sounds of pressure shifts in surfaces I might find startling normally is now just so fucking annoying

Maybe I'm just being autistic and unusually sensitive on top but there is SO MUCH fucking noise in this building how am I supposed to sleep?!

Here, too, I transitioned

Day ten: I feel... fine-ish? I slept like shit but I'm not getting any headaches or nausea yet despite being a little more active? Something's not adding up...

academy award contending tiktok

Less than a week left of this purgatory, I hope...

Day [nine]: I'm so tired. Physically and mentally. Can't sleep, can't do anything with my conscious state except think about what I wish I could be doing. Still, I kind of appreciate the clarity of not being able to do anything over how deceptively ok I felt until yesterday.

Both great, but I would easily pick the second

Med recent events i åtanke får jag väl ge mig själv en 5:a

Day eight: I keep looking up at my bookshelf. It taunts me. I'd gladly bleed to safely open one of those books right now. It's so tempting, but I can't. They remain just out of reach, reminding me of what I could have had right now if not for this insidious disease.

why do nazis keep showing up

I really spent the majority of this year so far telling myself "At least there is another autumn coming. It'll be heartbreakingly brief, but beautiful. It'll be soooo good." to keep myself going, only to sit inside rotting through most of october without even a good window view

Day 7: the nosebleeds, headaches, and nausea have started hitting. I have to distrust every feeling of relief, because I know it's paper thin and can't bear any load. I am sitting in the lobby of hell hoping my stillness is close enough to perfect it will just be an uncomfortable visit.

edited comic panel. Batman is breaking a lump-with-handle cow tool over his knee and saying "this is the tool of the cow. we do not understand it. we will not use it."

it's not FOR us

I'm keeping a mental list of things to do once I feel safe to use my brain again. WoW is not on it, at least.

Day six: gods it's getting hard to resist the impulse to read. I also haven't been this fixated on the idea of picking up WoW again in years - not even last time I actually did it

In theory I should be keeping this up for another full WEEK but idk if I have that in me