canadian blondii ︎✌🏼

flapjacks sounds like a perverse aerobic activity for two or more

Add some everything bagel seasoning and thank me later

once you have a bite of volcanic temperature pizza in your mouth, whatever you do next is wrong

Happy birthday 🥳

sorry i filled your neti pot with gravy

where's my cat dot com

So Your President Wants To Kill Everybody

*first day as a drug dealer*: could I interest you in some extra strength ibuprofen

you should be able to call out of work for being sleepy with absolutely zero consequences

*gets out of bed*

Me: This is bullshit.

Adds something to my bookmarks knowing full well that I will never see it again

Portofino bread

that viewwww of portofino was on my mind

I’ll take either

for my birthday this year I just need $400 for botox thank you

terrifying if literal, bagel bites

ah thank you

Just in case I see it

that’s a follow

You had me at nachos.

‘Tis the season to avoid people.

ambrosia apples are the best apples don’t even bother arguing you’re wrong

Abyssinian cat curled up looking like a loaf in front of a window with city skyline

we’re on this journey together baby girl

Mine need a bit of both

That’s true

Feelings: the original malware.

people who hate puns are allergic to joy

Im sorry for replying to your post

let people be wrong about you, there's power in silence

if you can’t handle me at my worst don’t text me at all actually