Ross Skeletor Keith

The poor kid ended up in the clutches of Donald Trump, for fuck’s sakes

Isn’t it weird that American Airlines was the proud sponsor of Home Alone 2, a film where American Airlines fucks up & sends a 10-year-old boy to the scariest parts of 1990s New York City?

Mid-December is a lot of fun when your kids get old enough to suck up, trying to maintain Nice List status

Ok, but how many figures of two-time Golden Globe winner Don Cheadle do you have?

😮

Alpacas!

Fun Fact: I once called legendary comic creator Walt Simonson a son of a bitch in a comment thread, and he liked my comment.

Fun Fact: During my tenure in my last band (which ended during COVID), I couldn’t make it to my first or last gigs with them.

Fun Fact: I met @monicalewinsky.bsky.social while working security at Ted Talks. I asked how her night was going & she put down her phone mid-text and we had a really nice chat. She’s really sweet.

Fun Fact: I once saw Judas Priest & had binoculars with me. During a solo, I focused on Rob Halford. He yawned and made me yawn.

Fun Fact: I am the premier electric ukulele player on the Vancouver punk scene. I mean, I was before COVID, but I have a hard time believing I’ve been usurped.

Fun Fact: I’ve worked a shift writing Price is Right name tags. Kept one for myself.

Fun Fact: I lost my virginity to ‘Magic Man’ by Heart and ‘Fuck Authority’ by Pennywise

Fun Fact: I’ve handled the Blue Man Group’s instruments. Did one shift of production loadout at the local arena. I helped put together their video wall and worked loadout. I remember being handed a rack of pvc piping. “Careful, that’s an instrument”

Fun Fact: Once, I was riding my bike down along the river and almost got side swiped by a bald eagle.

Fun Fact: Shonda Rhimes was kinda rude to me once

Fun Fact: In middle school, I was racially profiled, assumed to be Indigenous due to having a darker complexion and two first names

Fun fact: the first person to ever address me as “y’all” was Al Gore.

Clearly this light sentence was effective, as that guy has gone on to commit a kidnapping, get involved in a shootout, & is in and out of Crimestoppers. I cut a vacation short to go to pre-trial, & none of it meant anything.

The guy with the gun was acquitted. The other guy was given 6 months for his robbery spree. The judge cited his rough upbringing & heroin addiction as reasoning for his light sentence.

Fun Fact: I’ve been robbed at gunpoint. I worked nights at 7-11, and two dudes came in with a shotgun. They dropped a shell on the floor as they left. He was acquitted when the judge said something inadmissible.

Fun Fact: for the better part of a decade, I dealt with a citric acid intolerance. Most foods with it would give my hives. High concentrations of it, like citrus fruit, would make my throat swell up. I cut almost all foods out and saved myself for tomatoes. What is life without spaghetti?

Fun Fact: my favorite color is green.

Fun Fact: Also when I was 4, I was playing in my front yard and an older guy walked up to me. He said he was my grandpa. I screamed and ran in the house.

Fun Fact: When I was 4, we went to the circus and I got to ride an elephant. An incredible experience that I shudder about now, given what I know of animal abuse in circuses

Fun Fact: There’s a book about my family tree going all the way back to Captain Daniel Keith, who was a red coat during the Revolutionary War. After the war, he was exiled to Canada. As the direct male descendent of a United Empire Loyalist, I can add UE to the end of my name.

Fun Fact: the house I grew up in was built in 1894 by a guy who made his living playing fiddle up in Barkerville during the Goldrush. The house was moved 2 blocks from its original location to facilitate the building of the local high school in the mid 50s. My grandparents bought it around then

Fun Fact: I’ve held an Olympic torch

Fun Fact: I can fit a 16oz ladle in my mouth

The only friends I have on here are fellow members of a trusted community I’m a part of, and new followers. So I feel like I can be comfortable enough to talk about myself without feeling a crushing guilt for bragging. So prepare for Fun Facts