Laurasaurus

NFL offensive players: i just think we need to stop picking people from new mexico. i mean nobody any disrespect but football is an american sport.

NFL defensive players: carly rae jepsen is mother

Another NFC defensive player: “Florence & The Machine. But I don’t know if everybody would rock with that.”

who is this diva

If that judge doesn’t stop Trump from taking TPS away from Haitians, Mike DeWine better step the fuck up and do whatever he can to protect Haitian immigrants in Ohio.

Meeting in solidarity with Haitians in Springfield, Ohio now - over 600 people and still growing.

I do not want anymore pictures of people walking on frozen rivers - with kids sometimes! - coming across my social media feeds. I get stressed just seeing it.

Apologies to any nice Brantlies out there, but the name “Brantley” has bad vibes to me.

I finally saw the neighbor whose car has the “❤️mi tóxica” bumper sticker, but I didn’t ask him about it. Like a coward.

a thing i think about a lot is that the median tech billionaire enjoys a level of privilege, wealth and comfort that even the most profligate medieval king could not have dreamt of, with absolutely none of the responsibilities that king would have had, while constantly demanding to be thanked for it

You could put the whole administration on a grifter-fascist axis.

A digital illustration of a groundhog all dressed up in fancy morning dress: big shiny top hat, cutaway coat with tails, bow tie, waistcoat with watch chain, pinstriped pants and shoes with spats. He’s standing on a hillside covered in yellowish green grass. It’ The sky is gray and hazy and there’s a bare tree in the distance. There are patches of snow on the ground and crocuses coming up. He’s casting a long shadow forward within which is lettering reading ‘Maybe it will happen today’.

The belief that a vote is a type of currency used to purchase a candidate-as-product instead of a collectively wielded power is an ultimate triumph of consumerism.

:( It’s gonna a nasty mix of following the “learn to code” and “stay in state and commute to college avoid debt” advice for a lot of these kids.

A bunch of my first generation students took that advice seriously and graduated/are about to graduate with CS degrees. Worried for them.

Kid’s bus just never showed up. How strange.

NO

There were people BOOING my boy Phil! Booing him simply for speaking his truth!

All of you need to stop threatening that sweet little groundhog.

Don’t worry guys, everything is very cool and normal at the Wegman’s parking lot!

Fetterman was mayor of a town with high rates of gun violence -- some of which Fetterman didn't even commit personally -- and the town PD all wore nameplates and showed their faces.

Ahahaha The Pitt made the workaholic patient a PNC employee.

I can fix this.

I don’t know what is supposed to be going on with her, but it’s bizarre. Just give her a generic American accent if she can’t do a Pittsburgh one.

The Pitt, hire me as an accent coach.

All of you need to stop threatening that sweet little groundhog.

I bet there’s a way to pitch an immigration system that’s 100x better than what we have now as “tough but fair,” because most Americans think our system is 200x better than it is.

Overhauling our immigration system to work the way most Americans think it works would be a massive progressive victory.

He hates what CBP is, but he hates the owners of Hobby Lobby even more.

Guy at CBP who knows the whole agency needs to go, but won’t quit because he’s really, really passionate about stopping antiquities smuggling.

immigration should be handled by one single agency that is 99% boring office work and 1% border enforcement on the actual physical border to catch smugglers and shit

having a whole agency dedicated to being "guys with badges and guns who track down illegals" inevitably self-selects for this

Two CBP Agents Identified in Alex Pretti Shooting The two federal immigration agents who fired on Minneapolis protester Alex Pretti are identified in government records as Border Patrol agent Jesus Ochoa and Customs and Border Protection officer Raym...

BREAKING: The two federal immigration agents who fired on Minneapolis protester Alex Pretti are identified in government records as Border Patrol agent Jesus Ochoa and Customs and Border Protection officer Raymundo Gutierrez.