☭ Babushka’s Bluesky Bones ☠️

join my new band:
Jon Marlow and the WoodDavers
every tuesday at 1 on the colgate comedy hour

I dont have to worry about shrimp being radioactive because i akways use a geiger meter while grocery shopping

BeyBlade: Rip it Real Good

This skeet is a psyop by woke feds, an payroll of Big Cola

Im the inventor of the world’s first dog-proof jortsr

Forehead tattoo that reads:
P V P
e a r
n g i
i i n
s n c
a i
p
a
l

Are there any pods that arent menthol?

Just got my rejection letter from Kellog Cereal (Israeli Embassy) for my new invention (letter filled with), yogurt (cum) coated corn flakes (pictures of their father)

Gay shorts for a shorts gay

Twink death

“Conceal Carry” during pride month refers to a smaller gay that you have hidden on your person

No fucking way. I just bought my ebeneezer scrooge costume and now i answer the door like that

Ancient Greek names dont translate well into Spanish so they just use the closest equivalent english name. So Plato and Aristotle in spanish are actually Terry and Brad

Scallops are an aphrodisiac but shrimp get me hard

Italian BDSM : Collared Goons

The reason babies cry so much is because they want to smoke. A cigarette will do but for toddlers i recommend a cigar

For a fun bonus, change the font style as well

Office life hacks: commit micro aggressions towards men by lowering the font size on their name in emails and documents

Im constantly scared that my coworkers will realize that my ability to perform my job doesnt come from a foundational understanding of the position itself but rather a convoluted system of bullshitting and pushing the difficult issues on to other teams. April fools

Im a furry. April fools.

Im gay. April fools. Wouldnt that be crazy though…

Im sexually attracted to clowns. Aprils fools

The demons. The demons in my ear whisper that i need a footjob

Yeah i know what that’s like

Lookin at pictures of anemones at low tide like yeah buddy i been there

I lied on my resume but got the job now this lady said her hibachi date night is ruined.
Like sorry i cant do a fucking egg trick you made me cry so my night’s ruined too

One time during a manic episode i convinced myself that i combined american “water” and spanish “agua” into a new chemical called “wagtuaer”

I’ve taught my dog how to jerk me off. So now he knows 2 tricks

Don’t stop there. Please ban every app. Humans weren’t meant to have apps

You say pee isnt stored in the balls? Then why do i pee so much faster if i squeeze my balls while im pissing