Nick Williams

White House   Maid Shrieks After Spotting    Melania  On Ceiling WASHINGTON—Expressing horror as an unidentified slimy substance dripped on her shoulder from above, White House maid Carla Ovares reportedly shrieked Tuesday after spotting first lady Melania Trump on...

White House   Maid Shrieks After Spotting    Melania  On Ceiling

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"No, I wasn't here this morning."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"I'm staying up all night to see what happens."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"This could go either way."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"I've been doing this regularly for seventy years now."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"Look at all the names written on here."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"I'm not telling you what I just did in there."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"I'm doing this to spite Trump."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"What would Jesus do?"

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"I'm sure as hell not putting my cross there."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"What do you mean, I'm not eligible?"

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"I'm a proxy for my dad."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"This is my first time. Where do I put it?"

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"Well, that's that for another four years."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"I waited 18 years for this? It's a bit of an anticlimax."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"My grandmother chained herself to railings so I could do this."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"I wasn't going to do this, but I thought, 'Hell, why not? What have I got to lose?'"

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"I hope I'm not making a terrible mistake here."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"That box looks stuffed."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"Wow, there's quite a queue."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"I sure hope nobody's watching."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"Get in!"

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"I wish I had more to choose from."

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"Is this proportional?"

#ThingsYouCanSayDuringSexAndWhileVoting
"Well, I really spoiled that."

Nighthawks 2025

From the new Private Eye, out now.

#CommonSayingsInASongOrMovie
Don't Look A Man Called Horse In The Mouth

#CommonSayingsInASongOrMovie
Walkabout And Find Out

#CommonSayingsInASongOrMovie
IT Is What IT Is

#CommonSayingsInASongOrMovie
Marnie Hands Make Light Work