Lily

I hate my life so fucking much. Why couldn’t I just be born a girl? Why can’t I have people in my life who actually are willing to help me learn how to be a woman? Why is this shit so fucking difficult? Why is waiting the only thing I can do?

How do I ask to be taught how to be an adult at 31 years old(and succeed) and not sound pathetic?

Roughly 6 months since I started injections, all I’ve gotten out of it was a much higher cost and literal depression. Everything got worse so when do they start getting better?

Didn’t have enough for my weekly injection of girl juice this past week but strangely don’t feel as bad as I normally do, though now it feels like I’m emotionally numb, very weird

It genuinely feels like I’m shouting into a void when I ask for help from those closest to me and am told to do the thing I need help learning and understanding first then maybe they’ll help, asking me to be at step 10 while I’m begging for help with step 1

I feel as if I’m stuck in a dark abyss with no way out, but everyone around me can see the path to the exit and expect me walk blindly when they could guide me to safety

Goodbye Pasta pup, I miss you so much already and it’s only been a day. I love you Pasta pup.

Now I have to pick up the pieces and figure out how to start living at 31, with little help and no perfect piece to fill the hole where that lost childhood was, no foundation to build off of and no way to relive that time. So I’m lost with no guide and a million fears, terrified to walk alone.

Today I mourn the little girl who never got to be herself, who never got to grow up learning to be the woman she was meant to be. Today I mourn the time lost to ignorance, where had I known it was possible to be that girl I wouldn’t have just existed simply waiting to die instead of living.

How am i supposed to beat depression, dysphoria and not passing? I have no idea what I’m doing and it just makes everything worse