Stew

Hell yes I'm recycling all my tweets on Bluesky. Why should I come up with new garbage when I already have this garbage?

Heavy is the chest that wears them tiddies

Sorry I dmed you a wiener pic on Taco Tuesday

1980s
*Ejects tape from car stereo*

“Pull my Winger”

A hammer to the skull, just for the release

Ooh, this boulder looks like it would be fun to push up this mountain…

Accurate

*Scrolls past your thirst traps for pics of food you’ve made

Let’s just sit in the quiet, and listen to the weird sounds that our bodies make

*Shoots his shot*

*Kills innocent bystander*

That dead look in your eyes is drawing flies

*draws a perfect circle*
Friend: wow, that’s impressive!
Me: You have no idea, Maynard kept turning his back and standing in the corner

When you close the bathroom door, god opens a window

Me: The sky is as blue as your eyes
Her: my eyes are brown…
Me: Exactly

Sorry I put you on a pedestal, but I’m an artist, you see

Dinosaurs with big naturals

Someone that makes you feel like you’ve died AND feel alive at the same time

I think some folks are way past the the skills of 3 Christmas ghosts. Let's just give Krampus a map of D.C. and call it a day.

You’re totally wrong for me.
You’d make me happy

Those hips may not lie, but I wonder which other sins they’re guilty of

When Bret Michaels takes requests, does he say “Pick your Poison?”

I’m not an introvert, I’m a hidden gem

A boutonniere, buts a knife under the ribs

That lipstick and pink eye combo really suits you

*Ties you up like you were on the phone with the curly chord in the 90s

You can take my breath away, but please give my nose back

*Messages someone on a dating app, just to find out where they got that pizza*

I’ve spent so long coloring inside the lines, I don’t even see beyond them anymore

I can’t believe I spent 10,000 hours learning how to make the perfect spoon and then learning all I needed was a knife

So Predator Badlands is just them going to Australia, right?