Kayla G.M.

*stepping four feet back from the curb as a cement truck turns, whispering* "I'm not neurotic, there was just a very graphic tort hypo in law school that haunts me still."

My ghost will haunt the courthouse halls crooning, "Preserve the error. Object. Exhaust. Preserve the error, you fools."

This is actually about legal research. I uncover a lot of useful case law by just meandering in the databases. It's coded into my DNA. I'm hunting and gathering.

Unfortunately, I do have to fck around to find out. It's my process.

The best and scariest part about a virtual work is that you can't just go down the hall to ask people questions.

DOJ lawyers texting Grok like: "Is a judge saying 'you are an officer of the court' repeatedly a good thing?"

Me, with the rage of 10,000 screaming toddlers, typing: "Friendly reminder."

Who needs Disney Plus when you have a million free CLE's on YouTube. The avengers had a better chance of beating Thanos than winning a post conviction appeal.

Civ Pro should teach how important the Notice of Appeal is. Please.

Me, a millennial, bonding with a Gen X'er like, "The micro-plastics in me recognizes the lead in you."

"Should that say 'Federal Law protects the right to free speech?'"

Me, an angry appellate lawyer, fourth cup of coffee in two hours, bloodshot eyes, with all 78 open Westlaw tabs begging me for mercy: "No. Feral Law is right."

Locked in so hard I started enjoying bluebooking (actually I've gone insane)

On this day, in 1967, Thurgood Marshall was appointed to the US Supreme Court. This day is a great day for big historical events.

Congratulations to Justice Powell! #LadyLawyerDiaries

My favorite thing about legal research is that with one hour of research, you can have a clear answer. But with twenty? Oh, now you have a circuit split from a little piece of the question that isn't the whole question, but the whole question turns on this unaddressed piece of the question.

Noooo 😂😂😂 (still true though)

Back in my day, writers didn't plagiarize AI. They stole their wives' works and sold them as their own.

AI is forcing me into needing in-person meetings. We've gone full circle. So advanced, we can only trust face-to-face communication. I hate it.

Due dates? Sounds like a conspiracy by Big Calendar.

An appellate lawyer about to roast the opposing counsel: "My friend on the other side, however . . ."

Dear trial attorneys, please narrate what the jury is seeing. Like say "the State is using her hand as a gun to point at the jury." Like that's way better than your client telling me that and then it being *nowhere* in the record. I mean, I can get an affidavit . . . But c'mon.

I want AI to format my TOC and Appendices in compliance with all of circuit courts' weird local rules. NOT do the fun legal research and analysis parts for me.

''let me must polish up this final draft," pours shoe polish over this trash draft to shun the sins of my own clumsy writing from the daylight.

Have fun--I did: www.fjc.gov/sites/defaul...

Filing deadline preferences by number of lawyers at a firm.

Most Lawyers: "Actually, midnight is the perfect filing time."

"Yeah. I rule," whispered the judge quietly to herself, banging the gavel.

The devil whispered "I'm coming to get you." And I, a lawyer, said "so, you're personally availing yourself to this jurisdiction?"

Me, a lawyer meeting a potential client: "Statistically, every single person who filed a lawsuit in 1901 has died. Therefore, filing a lawsuit causes death. Are you sure you want to proceed?"

*going back in time* "So, now SCOTUS has this thing called the shadow docket where they just rule on stuff and don't explain why or how."

Alexander Hamilton: " . . . What the f--"

James Madison *ripping off wig*: "Did they not read anything we wrote?"

In these dark and trying times, my best lawyerly advice is that a felony conviction makes you ineligible for the draft.