🦋ShouldBeWriting🦋

A cave troll barred their way. The goblin party was prepared to run, but among them was a human mage. She stepped forward. "My name is Freydis Cook," she said. "I know wing sauce and miasma magic. We don't want to kill you, but if you don't let us pass I'm going to force Mordor Death Pepper wing sauce down your throat." The troll clapped his hands together in glee. "A Mordor Death Pepper challenge? Cool! Can I film that for my channel?"

Microfiction - Death Pepper Challenge

Alissa selected a chocolate from the box and popped it into her mouth. "Life is like a box of chocolates," she said. "It's ephemeral." Jo frowned. "I've never thought of a box of chocolates as particularly ephemeral," she replied. Alissa grabbed another chocolate. "Then you've never opened one near me before...."

Microfiction - Ephemeral

"I'm the real murderer!" exclaimed Ruff. "It was the dog the whole time! Death to all humans!" He pointed a finger gun at Bearnice. "Bam! I shoot you dead." "You can't kill me!" she exclaimed. "I'm the protagonist!" "Bam!" said Ruff. "Caiman is dead too! He was a noble, so good riddance. "Now I shall set every animal in the meangerie free!" "No fair!" Bearnice yelled. "That's not how the story goes!" Snowy sighed. "Our adventures always end in chaos...."

Microfiction - Menagerie Ending

"Never fear!" exclaimed Bearnice. "Sherlock Holmes shall solve this mystery!" "Why is Holmes investigating the death of an animal, anyway?" asked Ruff. "Surely he has better things to do." "Animals are people too!" exclaimed Bearnice. "to be honest," said Snowy, "I don't like killing animals. I'd rather we kill a human...." Bearnice rolled her eyes. "Fine, Pachy is a dead human. Happy now?" "I object!" exclaimed Caiman. "What menagerie contains a common human?"

Microfiction - Animals Are People

"Oh my stars and garters!" exclaimed Caiman. "Someone has slain my prized wooly mammoth! What shall become of my prized menagerie? Other nobles shall mock me!" "Your concern for my death is overwhelming," muttered Pachy. "I do not hear you, for you are dead," Caiman stated. "Now how shall I have the greatest menagerie in England without my wooly mammoth?" "You've still got a lavender dragon," said Cadbury. "What am I chopped liver?"

Microfiction - What Now?

Bearnice studied Cadbury. "A lavender dragon should work," she said. "Snowy's an arctic fox, you're in too. Pachy is a wooly mammoth, he counts. Leo the lavender tiger - well obviously. Pippin is a penguin, that's from far away, and same goes for Roopert Murdoch, the kangaroo...." "What are we doing?" asked Ruff. "For our next adventure we need a British noble with a menagerie - a collection of exotic animals." She glared at Ruff. "Dogs don't count."

Microfiction - Menagerie

Strange men appeared in the center of town. They stopped a passerby. "What country is this?" they asked. "The United States?" the passerby replied, bewildered. "What year is it?" "Uh... it's 2026. How do you not know this?" The strange men smiled. "We are part of a safari expedition from the future - a safari to punch Nazis." "Oh! Then I think you want Germany in the 1930's or 40's." "No," replied the strangers, "we are exactly where we are supposed to be!"

Microfiction - Safari

I was supposed to cross-post this to Bluesky yesterday…. 😛. But I guess I was watching the big game and forgot!

Are you ready for Sunday's big game?" asked Moldessa Underflit excitedly. Freydis Cook raised an eyebrow. "What big game?" "The Kwipple match! Wyrmhaven Deep vs Hollow Haunt U!" Freydis rolled her eyes. "Oh yes, Kwipple - the game we made up, because every magic school needs an obscure sport...." "Our team's in the championship!" Moldessa stated. "Well, given that only one other school plays this sport...." "Go Green Slimes!" "I think," said Freydis, "I'll sleep in...."

Microfiction - Kwipple

"So if I pull the magic sword from the stone..." said Aaron. "Oh, bother," said Melchor, his goblin guide. "It has deliquesced." "What?" "It has dissolved and melted away." "What, the sword?" "No, of course not," said Melchor. "The stone it was buried in - which was more of mushroom than a stone. It is no more. But good news! Pulling the sword free should be quite easy now!" Aaron stared at the sword, swimming in a murky, vile pool of ooze. "I ain't touching that thing."

Microfiction - Deliquesced

the bushes were people 😂

Drunken Seahawks Fans Climbing Space Needle

Drunken Seahawks Fans Climbing Space Needle

Boom. Boom. Boom.

Well, now it’s 29-7 and I hear more firework booms.

😳. Well… TD Patriots…

As a Seahawk fan, I haven’t exactly been sweating at any point this game, but now I feel I can completely relax. I hear some fireworks going off too. Not over yet, but it would take a monumental collapse to lose at this point. #seahawks

The gentleman ghost hovered before Medea the sorceress. "Yes, I was quite wealthy in life," he said. "Of course I left everything to my wife - but only on the stipulation that she must remarry." "Oh? And why was that?" "That way," he said, "I could be certain that at least one person in the world was sorry for my passing...."

Microfiction - Ghostly Inheritance

"Did you know," asked the royal wizard, "that many of your subjects believe that invisible dragons are spying on them and reporting back to me? Or that the potatoes we encourage them to grow are poisonous? The people of this town will believe just about any fool thing they're told." "Some, perhaps," replied the king. "But I believe you underestimate the intelligence of the average person." "In my experience, Sire," said the wizard, "that's impossible."

Microfiction - Underestimate

Pete stared at the flyer. "It says here that the Fall Festival is biannual." "Biannual?" replied Amy. "That means twice a year, right?" "It might mean every other year," said Pete. "Which is it?" she asked. "One word can't mean both." "But it does mean both, unfortunately," said Pete. "It means either twice a year, or every two years." "I just want to know," said Amy, "if I'm expected to attend a Fall Festival in the spring...."

Microfiction - Biannual

Kaylitha the elven wizard entered the Lute and Pillage Tavern. "Hey, Mr. Cook!" she called out. "I need another case of your daughter's Death Pepper Wing Sauce!" She plopped several gold coins onto the bar. "Coming right up!" the bar owner replied. As he produced the case of hot sauce, he said, "I know Anika loves this stuff, but I'm surprised an elf like you has taken a liking to such an intense sauce." "Oh, I don't eat it," said Kaylitha. "I lob it at our enemies...."

Microfiction - Use of Sauce

"Suppose I don't want to?" asked Billy. "Then you get no chocolate cake," his mother replied. Billy puffed up his chest. "So far as I'm concerned, the existence of chocolate cake obviates the need for me to consume brocolli." "Use as many big words you like," replied his mother. "You still get no dessert until you eat your vegetables."

Microfiction - Obviate

At the back of the Lute & Pillage Tavern, several teens played goblyncore music, loudly. Halford Cook yelled, "Freydis! Turn down that racket!" "Khaavolaar!" the girl swore. "You're not the rhaal of me!" "Yes I am. I am your father!" "Stupid gath'dar!" muttered Freydis. "I heard that, Freydis! You're human too!" As the teens left, Aleks the bartender said, "Was it wise to send her to a goblin school?" "I know," said Cook, "but I'm making a killing on free liquor and hot sauce!"

Microfiction - Unruly Teens

"I must admit," said Lady Chatterly, "that your operation of the Wyrmhaven Deep Dungeon is most impressive. However, I am not certain I feel safe investing my money with you - you goblins are so very ugly." Nyx Gritbottom, head of the Wyrmhaven Deep Dungeon Improvement Committee, drew himself up to his full height of just under four feet. "And you Madam, are drunk. But in the morning I shall be..." His voice trailed off. He frowned. "Wait, I think we started that off wrong...."

Microfiction - Witty Comeback

"Look," said Sandy, holding out her hand. "These are the original cool beans!" "I'm sorry?" replied Lisa. "When someone says 'cool beans'," said Sandy, "these are the beans they're referring to." Lisa frowned. "I don't think that phrase is referring to any beans in particular...." "Feel them!" insisted Sandy. "See how cool they are?" "I'm not sure the phrase refers to their temperature, so much as...." "These are cool beans!" Lisa sighed. "I suppose you're right...."

Microfiction - Cool Beans

"What goes into a Wyrmhaven Deep Fried Danger Dog?" the goblin repeated. "Don't you feel that you're better off not knowing? As they say, never ask how the sausage is made." "I would just like to know," replied Marcel the ranger, "that, for example, a beef hot dog is made of 100% beef..." "We use at least 90% real parts from real animals," replied the goblin promptly. "That does not sound reassuring...." "The truth is in the name! Every bite is an adventure into danger!"

Microfiction - The Danger Dog

The tortoise stared long and hard at the chessboard, then slowly moved his bishop. "That," he said, "should be checkmate." "So it is," replied the hare. "You were arrogant," said the tortoise, "and full of confidence at the start of our match. But as always, slow and steady wins in the end." The hare laughed. "And what lessons are to be learned from you defeating me in chess?" The tortoise rolled his eyes. "Must everything we do include a lesson?"

Microfiction - Tortoise Versus Hare

Halford Cook set two cases of liquor on the bar. "More magical booze, Boss?" asked Aleks the bartender. "More absinthe and cinammon whiskey." The bartender frowned. "Could your daughter make something a little more... normal?" "Miasma magic is not meant to create alcohol from nothing," said Cook. "We're lucky Freydis makes anything at all." He rubbed his hands together. "They say that alcohol changes people. It especially changes the financial standing of those who sell it...."

Microfiction - Magic Alcohol

"Tribal Goblyncore?" asked Freydis Cook, the only human at a goblin magic school. "It's goblin rock music," replied her friend Moldessa. "Chaat'oor is a really cool band. The guitarist is so dreamy!" The guitarist was a long-haired goblin. Freydis supposed by goblin standards he was probably dreamy. She listened. She heard guttural screaming, tribal rhythms, and chaotic guitars. "Khaavolaar!" exclaimed Freydis. "That sounds super spug!"

Microfiction - Goblyncore

"For a while," said the atom, "we were in love. He treated me well. But by the end, we could barely stand each other. And so... we split." Her friend looked out over the devastated wasteland. "And...?" "things," said the atom, "got a little heated...."

Microfiction - Atoms in Love

And the fireworks are going off! #seahawks.