Dylan Fagan

*trying to teach children about greek parables and remembering not to swear*

Anyone here familiar with the sword of darnocles?

What do these ratings mean. How do I get reviewed in roblox

Keith David sitting at a switch 2 display and smiling warmly at the camera like he's having a good time

Jason Alexander looking to camera like a cornered animal as he plays a display model Nintendo GameCube.

nice argument, unfortunately i have already depicted myself as Switch 2 Keith David and you as Gamecube Jason Alexander

I have been asked to stop placing ‘George Washington slept here’ plaques in front of this nation’s great Chuck E. Cheese locations

Wasn’t paying attention to which jar I grabbed and just messed up my peanut butter and jelly so bad

I think my sinus problems would go away if someone would hit me with a comically large cartoon mallet

That being said, Go Pants

It is really funny to name a basketball team ‘New York Pants’

Petition to rename the Atlanta Braves to “Blooper’s Boys”

If you eat certain hamburgers it is possible to have an in-n-out of body experience

Drawing of a man feeling kinda vulnerable eating a large cookie in the Panera parking lot

Today I was eating a large cookie in my car in the parking lot of a Panera and someone walking by pointed at me and yelled “you’re eating that cookie!” I don’t know how to feel about this

Bully: give me your lunch money

Me: do you take venmo

My gravestone will read I WISH I’D OPTED IN TO MORE WEBSITE COOKIES TO BETTER PERSONALIZE MY ADVERTISING EXPERIENCE

☀️

Production assistant

A dog snuggling up in bed

The dog was on cozy levels that made it almost impossible to get up this morning

It seems like a missed opportunity that the word palindrome isn’t the same forwards and backwards

It’s 2008. You find an image of an upright cat jumping through the air. It says INVISIBLE BIKE at the bottom. You save it & laugh at it for weeks. It’s 2025. A man goes viral splashing Saratoga water on his face. The next day your grocery store moves the Saratoga to a front display. You are tired

This is where special effects peaked

If you live near an ikea I can’t stress how much calm a djungelskog can bring to your life

What if you were at spa getting a relaxing facial and all of the sudden the esthetician pulled away from your face and said “got your nose”

Dog on carpet samples, c. 2025

Sometimes Apple will highlight a podcast I’ve had some very small hand in, and I’m always happy to see that. Today however is the first time in a while that they put one I actually did some real work on at the top of the page. I’m proud of everyone who worked hard on it

Sleep debt is so lame. Oh, now there are consequences for staying up late watching videos of someone lovingly restoring little model cars? Get real

Shoutout cooltimesonline

Spotify just told me I like doof doof music. Nothing is real

The dog was very relatable this morning

Sunshine dog time

a man in a red sweater is holding a tire in his hands in front of a wall . ALT: a man in a red sweater is holding a tire in his hands in front of a wall .

Is it true that people can do this?