Life Rictus

he knows he’s big now and he’s trying to push the wall down

yes good sure do that that thing you do

wearing a hat that says undecided voter to drastically increase the rate of weird shit happening around me

brown tabbies lying down on a tile floor making the shape of a 7

what does “7” mean what the fuck are they saying to me

i’m here representing flat chested women no i will not come down from the floodlight

why did i have to walk through someone’s entire house to use the bathroom at this sizable public accommodation

i’m home 4 1/2 hours a day on average these last few months do you think the cats miss me or are they just doing whatever the fuck this is all day regardless of me

not bad for just getting to where i can’t deny i’m in my mid-30s if i’m allowed to be immodest here

everything happening in this train car is disgusting i’m going to pop a xanax and start tweezing my eyebrows what’s the point in staying above this

heading home in the body odor car

i always get a year older on the day they make everyone stop being gay

pipe’s clogged

i’m sorry he looks like he was a good guy

in light of popular opinion i will be doubling the length of my neck

okay i watched the thing i think cnn fucked up they should have stopped it after the 3rd rat pack era insult and handed out jello cups

my neighbor and i made this submarine to go look at sunken group chats

thought i woke up hungover but i remembered i didn’t drink it’s just been very hot and sticky for what feels like 20 days straight

feel like i’m narrowly dodging a flying saucepan whenever i log in

group chat chernobyls everyday

dust cloud blew by down the street it’s probably fine

I DID ALREADY

anyway i have to drive a rented car another 40 miles round trip to the grocery store before i get on the train home

hope i live until i’m old enough to spout complete horseshit and barrel through questioning when nothing’s riding on it. my aunt insists rice crispy treats are called “granola bars” and says “when i were growing up we called it that” lady you grew up speaking arabic

we’ve advanced 400 miles so far but supply lines are getting attenuated and the locals have raised bands of skirmishers to harry the parade’s flanks

got my hair done professionally for the first time in years and walked outside to get boiled

why is someone belting the national anthem somewhere in this neighborhood that’s very ominous

going pretty far off the road to get to “take someone off a list”

he will uncensor neither dick nor sack until his demands are met

is there a reason for that last sentence in the first screenshot it seems out of fucking nowhere

how to explain to a cat that the tar is still very hot from daytime he cannot go on the roof he’ll scald his giant feet