APML, MD

I think you should reflect on this opinion and consider that it could be harmful. I think this reflects a rather cold attitude to very vulnerable people, and is - even in jest - a net negative to medicine if you hold this belief

Lots of physicians hate nephrology and it’s understandable why: it is the only specialty with the audacity to ask the question “what if we made doctors do math”

You think I’m weak? Watch me bend pipe cleaners to my will

Great news, everyone: The Envelope That Tells You Where to Live will now instantly vaporize you upon opening. Epic!

Sugar diabetes

“I attended a screenin-“ oh you saw a movie. You went to the movies. You went to the movie theater? Get the fuck out of here

The Case Manager chuckled. “You mean the MOT form?”

Slowly intuiting that the intern I’m speaking to has no idea what “you gotta hit ‘em where it hurts” means in reference to my ever growing collection of opened graham cracker wrappers next to my workstation

Hey yeah man your CT came back and it does not look very good

Glad to know that if my A1c was above 125 that it would get flagged

Feeling anxious at the state of the world but then remembering that actually doing nothing and being a stupid idiot is an act of resistance

Kiss mate? More like kismet

*serj tankian voice* I’m trying to build a prison

I think it’s wrong that a bunch of bluewave resist accounts have come and hijacked Bluesky with engagement farming! Please LIKE and SHARE if you AGREE WITH THE REAL SOCIALIST PATRIOTS who built Bluesky!

Truly the mind of the anarcho-liberal is to be permanently fixated on a perceived authority who is watching you at all times, ready to Cancel you at slightest error (we have Replaced God with Piccrew Avatar accounts)

You’re right and should be platformed

Oh that’s right, I forgot - you *tabled* for Trump. Sorry, wires crossed!

Damn man, thanks for leading the movement! Remind me, who did you vote for in 2016?

*growing increasingly frustrated* No. It’s. No you can’t “build dual power to challenge hegemony” by tweeting “this and a blunt is praxis 🤤” with a picture of a Cane’s three finger combo

Hands gripping both sides of the sink, sweating profusely, vision blurring. “They told me it would be hot-“ Room spinning, a shadow narrows in the periphery. “-but I should’ve known they’d also be ready…” A box sits on the counter, empty - the contents consumed. “PIZZA PIZZA”, a mumble as I fade…

Sitting at the computer, shaking, hair in a tuft and looking over my shoulder to ensure I’m alone as I type the words “Culver’s vanilla shake pictures no watermark”

Subjective: Patient states he wishes to continue hooting

Objective: Patient hollering on exam. Occasionally honking.

Assessment: Patient is hooting, hollering. Subtle honking. Goose is on the differential.

Plan:

#Hooting
#Hollering
#Honking
#?Like a goose?
- CTM

I’m back. I’m here. The heat death of the universe is imminent

Which medicine subspecialty draws the most communists? I’m leaning to nephrology purely anecdotally.

They were so real for giving 14 year olds Third-Worldist vocabulary in 2007

A lot of people ask me how I maintain my BMI from 26-28 without even trying and the answer is easy. All you have to do is eat whatever you want all the time, forget to eat breakfast, and only drink seltzer and Diet Coke

No fucking way

(Responding to a guy I was introduced to as EosinoPhilOfTheFuture in a group chat named “She Peak on my T until I hype her kalemia”): I’m sorry to hear your dad is on hospice now Mark, but he’ll spend his days at peace

Guy whose screen name is “Diet Dr Pebis”: ohhh I’m shitting . oh my god

Me: Skibidi toilet is a Dadaist response to the absurdity of short form internet content; we are seeing a cyclical turn of internet culture regressing back to the “lol so random” pastiche of the mid 2000s. We cannot blame the younger generations

Group of twelve 10 year olds beating me with bats: ok