SurgED

We should give every “gifted” kid anoxic brain injury and half their IQ. Y’all are annoying AF

Facts

My average reaction to seeing any picture of my girlfriend

They should let you fuck the slot machine in Cloverpit

*It’s early 2000s and in matrix cipher is a cruising gay man. He is meeting up with agent smith at a public bathroom.*
*it’s a glory hole joint and a dick is sticking out*
CIPHER: “I know this dick is not real…”

What if you died, went to heaven and find out god is Dominican so he puts you in skin tight jeans for all eternity?

Doth jerk off too much

CHOTINER: Some people say your unorthodox medical practice can be harmful.

ME: You're talking about--

CHOTINER: Pagliacci.

ME: I think, sometimes there's a reflex to reach for meds when what we really need is to laugh.

CHOTINER: Of course.

ME: If I had known, obviously.

CHOTINER: Obviously.

I thought this was Adam Friedland. I’m cooked

New Jersey doesn’t deserve the hate it gets. This is god’s country

They are basically pulling this on you

This generic acetaminophen had an Amtrak ACS-64, four Amfleet 1 cars, a Conrail EMD GP15-1, and some Conrail rolling stock in it. The problem is more serious than I thought.

If the rapture happens I am jerking off the entire time while I am being raptured

Sneak peek from the Jimmy Kimmel return show

The Bucee’s beaver onesie stays on during sex

Turnstile summer absolutely mogged the brat summer

Dave Chappelle (suddenly getting serious 50 minutes into a special): On September 15, 2025, Pikachu, original Pokémon number 25, my friend, died. He fucking died.

Man I really don’t want to live in this damn shithole country

you have no idea the fire that you have ignited within this wife

The noid has told me to stage an officers coup. Let's fucking go!

It’s giving gilded age pt2

be very careful about what you post online

We Paid Some Etsy Witches to Curse Charlie Kirk If the far-right misogynist with a bad haircut wants to villainize independent women, Jezebel is more than happy to be the hag of his nightmares.

If the far-right misogynist with a bad haircut wants to villainize independent women, Jezebel is more than happy to be the hag of his nightmares.
www.jezebel.com/we-paid-some...

Zohran brother what are you doing? If NYC wanted a pussy for mayor they’d vote for Adams

Manhood is a continuous spectrum between “it’s never been more Joever” and “we are so fucking back”

Doctors orders: take a baddie out to a French restaurant and share mussels with her

I was at the Daddyhole Road and everyone knew you

The US has slid from A+++ to A+ Economic Freedom Rating from the Global Index for Burger Choice after failing to jail a sufficient number of antisemitic undergrads and ban halal carts