Spank The Monkey

Shit! Them! Sorry!

The empty stage of the 100 Club. On the left, a backdrop of a leather jacket bearing the title Andrew O'Neill's History Of Punk. On the right, a mic stand. It's the interval, he's not there.

Currently having a splendid time with @andrewoneillcomedy.bsky.social, whose History Of Punk show has developed magnificently from the WIP I saw him do a year and a bit ago.

Reposting for Lee's birthday.

Suddenly remembering the Fishtank Or Window Debates of 2002.

I imagine it was extremely disturbing

She's the main man in her office in the city
And she treats me like I'm just another lackey
But I can put a tennis racquet up against my face
And pretend that I am Kendo Nagasaki

do u think during the industrial revolution people thought the factory was their boyfriend

Trois (+1) Nuits à Paris Previously: Christmas in Reims is all well and good, but you can’t get there directly on a Eurostar. So let’s make one minor correction to my earlier report: we made the briefest of sto…

Paris: city of lovers. Also: city of inappropriate musicals, cinematic anniversaries, and catastrophic power failures. spank-the-monkey.co.uk/2026/02/14/t...

POP FACT: Everyone who watched The Beatles on the Ed Sullivan show died one week later, due to CBS accidentally booking John, Paul, George and Ringu

Trois (+1) Nuits à Paris Previously: Christmas in Reims is all well and good, but you can’t get there directly on a Eurostar. So let’s make one minor correction to my earlier report: we made the briefest of sto…

Paris: city of lovers. Also: city of inappropriate musicals, cinematic anniversaries, and catastrophic power failures. spank-the-monkey.co.uk/2026/02/14/t...

A K-beauty store whose name is spelt M O I D A. It's only just occurred to me that if you're using a screen reader, merely saying the name Moida isn't going to cut it.

This is my boss — Jonathan Hart, a self-made millionaire. He's quite a guy.
This is Mrs. H — she's gorgeous. She's one lady who knows how to take care of herself.
By the way, my name is Max. I take care of both of them — which ain't easy; 'cause when they met, it was

YouTube video by ShastaOrange The Pogues - 13 - Worms (Live @ T&C '88)

RIP Andrew Ranken. www.youtube.com/watch?v=ylpn...

All excellent choices, sure, but I think the inclusion of James Last's Two Tribes is what's persuaded me to give this a listen.

I've seen Deathsport, and it's just the right degree of shit to work here.

Post a banger that isn't in English youtu.be/4_eEgJhsBMo

Tweet from YourFavoriteGuy: 'Kid Rock was the alternate name for Epstein Island'

An alternative theory that popped up on this morning's timeline:

He can't even spell 'a penis'.

I went to school with Mani from The Stone Roses, and once after PE we accidentally went home wearing each other's trousers.

Poster from the 1950s radiation-paranoia sci-fi film THEM depicting hideous giant ants terrorising humans. The gender preference of the ants is unclear because it was the 50s.

I use they/them pronouns because I identify as a GIANT RADIOACTIVE ANT and if this was any sort of country that would work on stage but it won't so it goes here.

I love how they made up a daft backstory to justify the gap between the songs and the style.

I Went Out With A Hippy And Now I Love Everyone Except For Her (Frenzal Rhomb) youtu.be/xHgbRaQ2DyU

I remember seeing one of those in a Calais hypermarket in the mid-90s referred to as 'l'escargot rouge', and I've used that name ever since, regardless of colour

Simian Substitute Site for February 2026: Primate MONTH END PROCESSING FOR JANUARY 2026 Books: Back in 2016, when we visited Oslo for the first time, we needed some advice on where to find bars that weren’t owned by BrewDog. The Belated Birt…

First-of-the-month post ahoy, and this month's Simian Substitute Site is the most obvious new movie you can imagine. spank-the-monkey.co.uk/2026/02/01/s...

Otherwise It’s Just Sparkling Festivities Previously: in Living For The Weekend: A 2026 Diary By The BBG, we looked back at the project that The Belated Birthday Girl and I undertook in 2025, which was to visit twelve wineries or vineyards…

Like the saying goes, it's not a Champagne Christmas unless you spend it in the Champagne region of France. spank-the-monkey.co.uk/2026/01/31/o...

Can't we just enjoy 'all four corners of the globe'?

The Norman Rockwell painting meme of that guy standing up like "oooh, look at me, I have 𝘱𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘤𝘪𝘱𝘭𝘦𝘴; blah blah blah"

I have sciatica, so I have to periodically stand up to stretch my muscles. It's not always an expression of my personal beliefs.

The front page of the Edinburgh Evening News from August 13th 2014, a story about the Caledonian Hotel and their plans to introduce outdoor seating. The headline reads SUPER CALEY GOES BALLISTIC, THESE CHAIRS ARE ATROCIOUS.

How about a newspaper pun riffing on another classic newspaper pun?

Love Solid JJs work this had me howling sound up for full effect

100 years since John Logie Baird stole his first picanic basket.

I want a comedy film to break that tune. Like the way that Hoppipolla is now, for me, permanently the soundtrack to Alan Partridge booting footballs off the roof of a substation.