Baron von Phobia 🎃

I wish the government shutdown worked like the purge

YouTube video by The Lonely Island - Topic I Run NY

www.youtube.com/watch?v=W9Po...

can never talk abt my feelings with anyone because it requires 2 decades worth of traumatic backstory to explain why I'm sad at this exact moment

i've only been in a group where i fit in once in my life between 2021 and 2022 and then i got too depressed to belong anymore

if you're in a relationship i seriously hate you and hope you die

shoutout to my parents for never beating me ik that's like the bare minimum but it's still better than a lot of other parents

conspiracy theory: Erika Kirk and JD Vance set up the Charlie Kirk assassination so they could be together, Vance's wife is next

FACT: The Immortal was actually just lying about being Abraham Lincoln in an attempt to get his black coworkers to like him

have u guys ever gotten a boaner

if I summoned a genie I'd just tell him to do whatever he wants and see what happens

recovering swag addict

HOORAY (immediately runs headfirst into a tree and dies)

Yeah why not

yesterday in technical math we were going over rounding and place values and today we were "learning" addition and subtraction and the worst part is some of my classmates are actually fucking struggling with it

i like you bro. i’m gonna add you to my bestiary

Maki got Yuta pregnant not the other way around

who the fuck listens to j cole

me on here: rock n roll pussy
me in the group chat: I fear for the future of this planet.

furries who draw dragons with knotted cocks instead of something biologically accurate go to hell when they die

the spice causes me to see visions… *flashes of girls kissing* aah! I’m sorry. My mind wearies of the prophecies…

I like when elves have ears that stick out sideways

"tme" "tma" thanks for letting me know your opinion is absolutely worthless lmao

"I'm gonna keep it a buck fifty with you" bro that's not even enough to buy a soda these days 😭😭😭 keep it at least two bucks with me PLEASE

(to the alien baddie) PLEASE let me glorp 🙏🙏🙏

concept: what if the brat album cover had blood splatter on it like the invincible title cards

i have two strategies for this:
first i keep a spreadsheet of everyone who follows me, how many times they interact and around what times theyre most active. when i post something ar a moment where they SHOULD like it and they dont i move on to the second: killing them with my mind

whenever I make a post that gets zero likes I print out a picture of someone who ostensibly could have scrolled by my post without liking it and then I tear it to shreds

I don't think I've ever been more attracted to a Pokémon character unless Mulk counts

Is this a bad time to admit I just finished installing a poop hatch on my fighter jet

You might think that this is a guillotine, but you'd actually be incorrect - Guillotine is the name of the inventor, this contraption is called Guillotine's Monster.