Mike Keenan

I’ve just visited the world’s worst planetarium.

One star.

Cabinet meetings were getting out of hand.

A news story suggesting that Pamela Anderson and Liam Neeson are dating.

I thought he was taken?

A news headline regarding Morcambe FC’s suspension from the league due to a lack of financial reassurances.

Their accounts contained all the right numbers, just not necessarily in the right order.

VPNs? We had to find it in a bush… etc… etc.

Maybe “taking two ibuprofen and going to bed early the night after being down front at an Oasis gig” is the real punk-rock.

Overheard at the cinema.

“I don’t see why they have to bring aliens into Superman”

Good lord.

Coming out of Costco this morning a man was bouncing his daughter in the trolley seat.

He went “Whoop! Whoop!” and without thinking I replied “It’s the sound of the police”.

A news headline which reads “Billie Eilish 'enforces' plant-based menu at gigs as staff 'met with eye rolls'”

Eye Rolls don’t sound vegetarian.

They would have been better suited to a Fleetwood Mac gig.

They would have been better suited to a Fleetwood Mac gig.

Give it to Big Sam for the rest of the season…

Masterchef latest…

Superman was my favourite thing (of all things) when I was a kid.

The new movie made me feel 4 again and that’s quite the feat with my arthritis.

LET US DREAM ANGUS!

It’s so hot. I’m stickier than your mum’s carpet.

@jamesgunn.bsky.social you magnificent bastard.

“UK PRIME MINISTER SIR KEIR STARMER HOSTS FORMULA 1 FOR 75TH YEAR CELEBRATION IN DOWNING STREET”

“Call that a U-Turn?”

I need one of those Men In Black neuralyzers for my memory-foam mattress.

The woman in charge of the PSA about leaving pets in your car this summer.

Two red phone boxes alongside each other. One has a sign reading “Telephone”, the other says “Defibrillator”.

“999 what’s your emergency?”

“My friend accidentally answered the other phone”

A sign which reads “Staff Car Park. No pedestrian access”.

How do they get back to their cars?

An automatic Rifle with “This Machine Makes Folk Music” carved into the forestock

Getting ready to perform at Glastonbury next year lads

I for one refuse to believe that Bob Dylan said that.

Just been called into HR tomorrow because I was seen cooling down in the office today with a magnum.

I know my rights and If I want to drink champagne at 10am, I will.

Oasis-chic is back

It isn’t imposter syndrome if you’re actually shit.

A tired, overweight man.

Just finished my first 5k.
Worst 3 days of my life.