Matthew Lawrence

Filmed in a car media is always a red flag. I’ll take a bedroom, garage, living room, or even a bathroom before I watch something filmed in a car media

I like short-form video as art and as entertainment, of course, but I refuse to get my news from random people sitting in the passenger seats of their cars making googly eyes about whatever trending topic they want to be outraged about (even/especially if it's the calm kind of outrage).

I really don't enjoy short form video and overwhelming get information via text and I fear that means I fundamentally don't 'get' most people's experience of the world now, like someone in the 1990s who never, ever watched television, neither news nor entertainment.

Oh no I just found out that someone I like a lot is behind the new place that I've been completely ambivalent about trying.

I am so deeply tired of the myth that people walk fast in New York City when the only people with a brisk pace are truly Just Okay-looking gay men who preemptively tilt their head as they glide by to indicate Sorry You Senile Whale But I Simply Am Not Interested

My desk is next to this window so I look out it quite regularly.

I'm not sure how to explain this but right now I'm watching someone pull weeds (?) in a yard that I did not realize I could actually see from this angle.

Was so disappointed when I learned that I am older than ciabatta.

My neighborhood has minimal reggaeton or dembow but you can still hear Stevie B regularly.

There should be more current hip-hop on here but I can't add it if I don't know what it is and they drive by too fast for me to Shazam it 👨‍🌾

Cool enough to have the windows open + festival traffic going down my street all night means I'm expecting some additions to my annual Songs Heard Blasting Out of Cars in my Neighborhood playlist.

open.spotify.com/playlist/4b3...

Someone online used the word dishy to describe the older son from Mr. Belvedere and today can only go downhill from here.

There's a scarf that says IN MY RIFC ERA.

FOLKLORE NIGHT SAT | AUG 9 | 7 PM PRESENTED BY COLLEGEBOUND SAVER FEATURING POSTGAME FIREWORKS SET TO TAYLOR SWIFT MUSIC, FRIENDSHIP BRACELET-MAKING IN FAN FEST & LIMITED-EDITION, SWIFTIE-INSPIRED MERCH! FIREWORKS PRESENTED BY RHODE ISLAND ENERGY

"I will make it my goal to get to each state beach at least once before Labor Day. We only have seven or eight depending on how you count Scarborough, how hard could it be?"

I spent the entirety of last summer editing video and had no Rhode Island Summer and swore that this would never happen again and yet here we are, it's August 8th and I haven't even been to the beach enough times to pay for the season parking pass that I impulsively bought in June.

Tomorrow I would like to go to friends' beach day on Block Island and I would also like to go to Foo Fest and I would also like to go to the Taylor Swift themed soccer game and I would also like to go for a run and visit my mother and also I need to catch up on work and also I need to be packing and

Blaming everything bad today on this random person.

What if Jesus or Judas were interviewed about The New Testament, & they were like, “You know what it doesn’t capture? How much fun we had.”

Everything But the Caulk is the best imaginable name for a gay underwear party in New Bedford, Massachusetts.

Screenshot of a Facebook group that changed its name to Rhode Island Histor.

Spam Facebook posting asking everyone to respond so they can remain active

Spam Facebook posts with typos in them

Spam Facebook posts from someone allegedly named American States.

Had to extract myself from one of the local history fb groups.

Naming my next racehorse Wally's Wieners Fiasco.

The high school Spanish teacher that had to call AV every single class because she couldn't get the VCR to play that week's episode of Destinos? I should maybe have judged her less harshly.

Supervising student workers is funny because they just sit there politely while I repeatedly fail to remember my network password for a solid half hour.

Jefferson Starship lol

Just be thankful you weren't hearing me sing along in the car while stuck on Bald Hill Road 45 minutes ago.

Thinking about how with current bill splitting etiquette and everybody keeping the same phone number forever, Detective Whitney Houston might today be unable to deduce anything about the guy from It's Not Right But It's Okay.

They're known for wearing t-shirts they bought from an FB ad:

Don't mess with me
I'm a Disney Gay
Who was born in November
And backs into parking spaces
With my F-150 stepside

Now that I drive in the suburbs sometimes, People Who Insist on Backing Into Parking Spots have replaced Disney Gays as the most unrelatable humans.

The release has been scheduled. Breathing a big sigh of relief even though literally nothing is actually resolved.