yung freckle

when i was a kid and the cat showed the butthole with the tail up nearby my mom wouldn’t drop a beat before greeting it with “oh, hi, O”

just wish all the people that reply to satire or shitposts actually understood bits. but also lets just keep them in the dark

i’m probably the only one in the world that finds jesse from #thevalley so hot he might as well have been the male salesperson at american apparel when i last shopped there in 2014

nobody told me what to do when you find multiple CDs of your ex bf’s mom’s MRI scans

IM SORRY I NEGLECTED YOU NO I NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO RUN AWAY AND LEAVE ME FEELING THIS EMPTY

god i’m mad i didn’t think of this first. so good

[eulogizing a dead pope] like an early morning lover he must be moving on

(most filmmakers introducing a strange creature)

scientist in a laboratory filled with computers and machinery, a grim expression fixed on their exhausted face: okay...here is what we know so far

(Hayao Miyazaki introducing a strange creature)

little girl under a tree, laughing: that's a Totoro!

once my apartment is clean thats when i’m allowed to give up or die

going to try a meatball sub for first time EVER because it was 50% off on doordash rn and i would never pay full price for something that looks like glorified shit on a shingle and a gamble so oooof here i gooo

as someone named maddie, same mate

wanted to post something real sinister about how april sucks bc of getting raped or molested on earth day or prom or easter or havin someone notable dying then realized its a very niche window of trauma audience i’d be appealing to (just me)

Was it even a date if you don’t apologize the next day?

gonna start wicked and if i am bored within the first 15 minutes i will watch cops instead

Reverse cowgirl so I can vape without judgement.

"GUNS DON'T KILL PEOPLE, PEOPLE KILL PEOPLE" I yell as I bludgeon you to death with a baby

a no-wiper or hollywood ending is the term for this if you needed to know a name for this rare but magical phenomenon

Sometimes when I'm feeling generous, I'll let someone feel like they're teaching me something

just gonna add #bravo #realhousewives to this but shhhh

#promosky
i’m maddie from tx, and i’m 28.
i love larry david, JR ewing, plants, cats, crafts, & videogames.
specifically TV-wise~i like frieren, trailer park boys, nathan for you, curb, and anything tim heidecker does.

vampire weekend’s been my favorite band since 2008🦇

not gonna pin this prob

u got me at frieren—followeeedd

Not now, I’m studying for a personality test

once i learn to do this i fear i’ll be unstoppable

making paper stars are my only burning passion right now as an unemployed dwindling idiot

y’all hiring a wfh position?:/

harnessing the fucking hertz of my cats’ purring vibrations is quite literally the most clean and pure energy this planet has

i’m unlocking new levels of neuroses by willfully completing online surveys that take 20 mins to acquire $0.43

now that it’s the beginning of strawberry season everyone is switching up their tune…

ive learned a lot from fairy tales tale snow white for example if you sleep long enough your problems go away