ficklenuts

People who only watch the Superbowl for the commercials discovering YouTube: HOLY SHIT

woke up dreaming

SHE SAID YES!

I asked her if I was bothering her.

That's a good plan

I'm generally indifferent to sports and I hate commercials and have stuff I need to get done today, but I'm from the Seattle area and I like Green Day and Bad Bunny. I'm feeling a lot of conflicting things about what I should be doing with my time

Hard to ignore the racism on the right when they insisted on a Whites Only halftime show.

Marvin Suggs playing the Muppaphone that says "ow" or "OW" depending on how hard he hits each one.

My body is a finely tuned instrument and that instrument is a Muppaphone.

putting a rotisserie chicken on each hand and boxing people at costco

I actually like the round style of soup spoons for most stuff. The spoons I don't like are the larger of the two sizes that come with the usual set of cutlery- the tablespoon. They’re too big.

Rose-petal bath! Autistic woman picking act of self-care out of butt crack Image of woman in luxurious rose petal bubble bath lying in awkward position as if retrieving rose petals from… places.

Avery Mann, 35, who sources claim learned the aforementioned lesson “the hard way”, is said to have purchased the cursed product in a subsequently failed bid to feel like an ancient Egyptian queen.

Full orifice-clogging article on Patreon: www.patreon.com/posts/149159...

guy who gets off on making women feel safe and valued

whoa, I keep finding free Raisinets on this deer path!

Too wide or too long is uncomfortable in the mouth, metallic taste of the spoon itself can ruin the taste of food

when i was a 16yo girl i thought i was an adult. coaching 12-17yo girls as a 28yo really hammered home how much i was wrong about being an adult at 16 and how obvious it is to actual adults that a 16yo is not an adult. if they say they cannot tell they are lying because they are a creep.

Magic mushrooms my ass. I ate some and nothing magical happened for the entire 2,000 years I spent living on a rainbow and herding unicorns.

my posts read best with a jazzy baseline playing in the background

Well that's great, bitcoin is crashing just as I need to buy some military weapons and drugs.

1) depends on where the bite is
2) people talk a tough game until there's bruising

Smart move 😂

It's bold how many people assume I mean this in any type of fun way and not in the same way dog demolishes a new toy to rip the squeaker out of it

It's glorious

The work cafeteria got a new type of spoon and I'm excited because it meets my standards

I'm feeling very bitey today

I need to bite someone

My 5,000th follower will win a little kiss on the forehead.

As someone who has more issues than most magazine publishers, my sense of humor is doing a lot of heavy lifting lately

I don't know who in Washington state needs to hear this but it seems to be a lot of people: if you're driving on a 5 lane road with 2 lanes of traffic flowing in either direction and a center turn lane, you don't need to stop for a school bus going the opposite direction as you.

This is what dating me is like