Sleep follows me around my apartment like the Earl King

Just eat a cold can of chili. You can do that. It's totally nutritious. Don't worry about the preservatives. They're there for a reason.

Y'all think New Jersey is bad. Wait till you hear about actual Jersey.

Current arch nemesis is a brown, 70lbs, pitbull named Pork-chop that I've fought twice now on my route. That guy hates me.

Currently eating "assorted meat & cheese cubes" at the Charley's in the Wal-mart. My blisters are on my feet.

Smokers get 5 minute smoke breaks, but I can't take a few swigs of whiskey between deliveries??? Jesus Christ