Lucky the Turtle

This.

Also please remember that you can love someone while refusing to subject yourself to the harm they inflict on you. These are not incompatible actions.

Dry cleaning bills.

Maybe he means "eventually resulting in an insane political backlash slashing billions of dollars of health funding across the board and massive tax breaks for our oligarch funders."

91 years is a good long run for most but too short for someone like Jane Goodall. Damn.

Donald Trump cut funding for pediatric cancer research.

Feel good when you can.

Maybe El Brazo de Onofre convinced it to elope?

Even worse than injecting disinfectants?

I find I can’t muster a proper response to either the Tylenol madness or the U.N. appearance. At some point it is just too ridiculous. It would feel insane to offer sane commentary.

They forgot to give Fearless Leader a plane.

I didn't charge it because I don't want to.

Tylenol must have forgotten their ballroom donation.

Kimmel should make his first show back all about Jeffrey Epstein

IT'S IRONIC that Disney, of all companies, has never learned how to battle villains.

Did they find it on Hunter Biden's laptop?

I read 1984.
And Fahrenheit 451.
And A Brave New World. And The Handmaid‘s Tale.
And The Giver.
And The Road.
And The Lottery.
And The Parable of the Sower.
And The Hunger Games.

I know what I’m seeing.

Coffee?

so many dead canaries and we just keep on mining

if you didn't vote for Kamala Harris, shut the fuck up right now

First, it was assault with deadly sandwiches, and now it's assault with vile words. Next, it will be assault with questionable loyalty.

Reading? Is that still allowed in 2025?

K$H (AKA Wyatt Derp) Patel

People missing an important point about folks getting fired for whatever they said about Charlie Kirk: Americans are being conditioned to be snitches on their fellow citizens who don’t toe a party line on what is “allowed” to be expressed. And employers are going along. It’s the new secret police

I didn't know who he was, so in an honest effort to find out, I went to his own YouTube channel and found the most viewed videos, and five minutes in it was clear that this guy is just horrible. I didn't find the pilot stuff or the public execution stuff, but he wasn't any kind of spiritual leader.

The melee to become JD's VP when 🍊🤡 kicks it?

And what did Johnathan Capehart say?

Kirk didn't serve in the military or hold office. The war hero treatment -- half-mast flags, military guard, Air Force Two escort, calls for a statue at the Capitol or to lie in the Rotunda -- shows that for MAGA, service to Trump has become the highest, most honorable form of service.