Chris Owens

Is it ‘My wife and I’ or ‘Me and my wife’? Anyway, we just robbed a liquor store

Bogart as Sam Spade in The Maltese Falcon, after losing his temper with the DA, turns to the stenographer and says in a completely neutral tone, “Are you getting all this or am I going too fast for you?” The coolest.

Cookie Monster would never.

#awfc too, of course.

Kim Little and Leah Williamson in the audience. #strictly

Absolutely.

Please support Kitmas if you can, a cause close to my heart. They buy football shirts for kids whose families can’t afford to: www.crowdfunder.co.uk/kitmas-2025

Happy birthday, Simon!

*Characterful* seams, not terrible.

Oh god. Hope you feel better soon.

Mand, just saying this in case you want to repost: you’ve mis-spelled #HopeForHedgehogs.

Fuckin’ A.

Do you know about KitKats? The filling is made from mashed up KitKats, and always has been (I mean, presumably not the very first one). That means that, in theory, a KitKat bought today could contain some of the first KitKat.

Everyone out for this tomorrow, yeah?

Bristol Patriots have now teamed up with UKIP, the Great British National Protest, Britain First, and something they're calling "Bristol United" (the hooligans have gone woke, lads) to attack refugees.

Let's show them what Bristol is about.

Alt text in QT.

That Anthony Mann’s done loads, hasn’t he?

Hohoho! Merry Christmas, readers!

Sign on the faculty office door of one Dr Hedgeh, which reads "To whoever keeps adding "og" to my doorsign; if I catch you, you're dead. Signed Dr. A. Hedgeh" and someone has added "og" in biro at the end

Post an image that will always make you laugh

Nooooo! If you need a sense of jeopardy, just go for a pee again.

You can always spot a fake admiral because their faces are blurry.

Finding Instagram a bit stressful. So many stories to get through. And yet who can I unfollow? Megan McCubbin? Talk sense.

They’re running Under Milk Wood as originally broadcast, for the first time, this weekend on R4 Extra. Obviously, it’s brilliant. And I highly recommend a listen. It still sounds amazing; truly timeless. The most dated bit is the credits - but, oh, those character names.

B would look so cute, but I presume she’d hate it.

“And Mainus is in a very sore state”. Just stop pronouncing it “my anus”, lads: “main-us”, surely.

Oh now that is special.

When was Portugal’s reserve goalie called Quim? I remember seeing that without being warned and nearly choking to death.

I once saw a minor comedian who was very pleased he’d found a learn-an-instrument manual called “Play In A Day The Kuntz Way.”

I appreciate you only like it for the linguistic ambiguity it embodies, of course.

is this thing on?? My new album is out and we’re playing USA shows in February! Get your tickets from hatchie.net before they’re gone …

One for @samwhyte.bsky.social

Big audience for jokes about cell apparatus. Do the one about Golgi bodies!