master’s bane

(Woody Allen eating a Da Bomb wing on Hot Ones)

WOODY: Boy, that's like dating your first Gentile girl, there's a real sting to it. Wowee, that's hotter than a New York cab in August. Havin' flop sweat like after the Curse of the Jade Scorpion premiere.

SEAN: Was it weird marrying your daughter?

ohhh ‘democracy dies in darkness’ was aspirational

2027 Super Bowl ad
60-year-old Robin Wright: Farm boy? Order me dinner
64-year-old Cary Elwes: As you wish
Horrific AI recreation of Peter Falk's voice: What she realized that day was that when he said "as you wish," what he really meant was "I'll get UberEats"

every epstein email exchange is like

TENURED PROFESSOR: jeffrey,, another wonderful trip with your "friend's" . i hope to visit your wild wild island aggain soon. your life is a delicilous secret :)

JEFFREY EPSTEIN: yes

If I was a billionaire I would not take trips to Crime Island. I would own The Simpsons arcade machine

🚨 NON-NEGOTIABLE: Kidnapped children must have access to youtube kids during the ride to the concentration camp

Average Sunday show interview:

OFFICIAL: we are going to dip enemies of the state into acid vats

HOST: how will you pay for it?

OFFICIAL: tariffs

HOST: critics say tariffs don't generate acid vat money

OFFICIAL: tariffs have generated more money than has ever existed

HOST: thank u for ur time

The “Jupiter Greedy” discourse is quite literally sending me into outer space

GOP: We are sending armed perverts to assault families. Even babies. We are in open warfare against all things good.

Schumer: People call him TACO, but these days it's getting hard to afford one! Can you chip in $5 today to help us hold Mr. Trump accountable for these soft shell economic policies?

ceej @ceej.online reading telegrams from the front but pronouncing "stop" like I'm flirting October 24, 2024 at 12:39 AM

It's gonna be a rough week, so here's one of the funniest videos I've seen in a long time.

[Al Michaels calling the kick return from Dark Knight Rises] would you look at that. meanwhile you got uh. Ward. how do you figure

Best TikTok thing going is the two dudes trying food from every country without leaving NYC. If you haven’t seen them yet, it’s incredible. My favorite so far is last week’s. Legit got me emotional.

12:01 ÷73 + r/AskAnthropology •• What is the oldest lullaby or nursery rhyme that... 11 upvotes • 1 comment As far as the earliest we know of, it's another Babylonian tablet, about 4000 years old and most often known as Little Baby in the Dark House. We don't have the music for it, but again, the BBC article has a good go at describing some commonalities of the music that tends to accompany lullabies, so that might inspire you. The rough translation for that Babylonian lullaby, by the way, is: Little Baby in the dark house You have seen the sun rise Why are you crying? Why are you screaming? You have disturbed the house god. 'Who has disturbed me?' says the house god. 'It is the baby who has disturbed you! 'Who scared me?' says the house god. 'The baby has disturbed you, the baby has scared you, making noises like a drunkard who cannot sit still on his stool. He has disturbed your sleep! 'Call the baby now, says the house god. • 4 Reply A & Vote & Join the conversation

check out this absolutely terrifying ancient babylonian lullaby

I guess it's called "corruption." I've never heard that before. I said wow what a beautiful word. It comes from the Latin [spicy voice] corrumpere. But it's something we're doing and we'll be doing it perhaps more than ever before

Jodie Foster: They should have sent a poet

Poet: Aliens ahoy! A galactic sight. When you’re in space all day is night

Laura Palmer's Theme

Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad

the title of this frog photograph goes unexpectedly hard

this is not behavior becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient.

DAVE DOMBROWSKI, ON THE PHONE OUTSIDE A RESTAURANT: Yeah. Okay. Fine. So is the blood back inside him

if someone honks at me in traffic i pull up beside them crying with a gun to my head

A man: who, knowing his whole true self, cannot be used or possessed by any power other than himself, and whose life therefore is lived for life’s sake and never in the service of ruin, or pain, or hatred, or the dark.

aw man

TIE TIE TIE TIE TIE

Good morning to Brazilian reporter Manuela Borges, who’s been waiting eleven years for this petty moment. ❤️ 🇧🇷

oh my god kevonte turpin that was hilarious