Ziggy "Scary Spice" Beeps

starting a new JetPens order, do you want anything?

Wait what shooting

Manhattan is unsafe and I'm glad people are realizing it!! I am still sore from getting my coochie blasted by an ultrasound wand yesterday. And it was so hot out

I grew up on these streets

nathan fielder (narrating): my client, who works in real estate, wanted to connect with a powerful financier. but he needed a way to stand out from the crowd. the plan? write a cryptic birthday message with a drawing of something sexy to grab his attention

A thorough review and analysis!!

Your score: 🅰️➕

Extra credit??

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Refreshing!

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Because of the quiz? Talk about a cram session!

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Now THAT’S what I’m talking about

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Ooo Minute Maid lemonade is gross I want some

Your score: 🅰️➕

Exact number would’ve been better but today is still great!

Your score: 🅰️➕

Excellent choice for a nonalcoholic option!

Your score: 🅰️➕

POP QUIZ!
1. When was the last time you had lemonade?

Their bones aren’t fully formed yet why are school zones so slow

Giving blood at the Coke Freestyle machine

incredible insane tweet from eric adams @NYCMayor hater: new york is dead whale: don’t listen to them, eric (he is quote tweeting a picture of a whale spotted off the coast of brooklyn)

calling my lib mom like a relative died

I’ve seen young people asking why the people in the 2000s seem so optimistic/hopeful/joyful. They speculate it’s because it was before smart phones and social media. They’re incorrect, it’s because we had mashups. Where our parents could only listen to Linkin Park or Jay-Z, we could finally do both.

A lot of good music just came out yet I'm walking around the apartment going WOBBLY WIGGLY WOBBLY WIGGLY WOBBLY WIGGLY OOooOooOOooOoohh bwooOOAAHHOOH

Sounds like using you to source AI training data

I appreciate all of you who keep going into Chris’s lives asking him why he isn’t overseas playing ball

big fan of whatever "big fan of whatever this is" is

@skywatch.blue has an option to mute blue heart in name

Rocky Horror Picture Show is a trigger for me bc the only time I went was when I was 13 in HT clothes and a pleather collar and I accidentally chucked a roll of toilet paper straight at a college kid performer's head

omg Puppy Surprise!! I can still taste the hard plastic puppy faces

in a room blue like a dull bruise, a figure in a beat-up suit and wide-brimmed hat, both dirty car mat taupe, cowers, bent over. before him, facing us, stands the Master, arms held wide, furious intensity on his moustachioed face. he is wearing the garb of Manos: a wrist-to-wrist black robe, but for a turtle-neck V at his chest (a bright red) and huge red patterns of grasping hands that hand from his shoulders to the floor, meeting only where the "thumbs" touch. his shadow is behind him, and there is a piece of furniture half seen

the Master of MANOS

the hands of fate

New project, client requires drug testing to onboard. Somebody light one for me 😞

STICK WITH OSTRICHES 💀

Tweet from John McAffe (@officialmcafee) "Enough of the "Whale Fucking is non-consensual" bullshit. A Humpback Whale weighs 70,000 pounds, is fifty feet long, can dive more than a quarter mile and can crush ships with a single swipe of its tail. If a human manages to fuck one, you damn well better believe it's consensual"

Tweet from John McAffe (@officialmcafee) "Whale fucking. No joke. Each year, on Feb 1st, in the Molokai Channel, a few men compete in the world's only whale fucking contest. Humpback whales are easy to fuck- for a second or less. World record: 31 seconds. I competed once. Almost got my ribs crushed. Stick with Ostriches."

Tweet from John McAffe (@officialmcafee) "Some call me "Whale Fucker". Alright. There's a private club of a few dozen Maori men and one butch woman - that meet in Molokai each year to fuck a whale. True. Men on padeleboards herd the whale while one tries to fuck it. Wouldn't let me in the club. Tried it alone. Epic fail."

I'm sorry to have to inform you of this lore