Red

The next time I open up to someone, it will probably be my autopsy.

Secrets are hidden in the basement so that’s where you should start the search

Look, I don't want to fight, I just want you to admit you are wrong, beg my forgiveness and admit I am better than you, then we can move on

My Dad was a demolition specialist. When his employer fired him without cause, he blew up.

Quicken your pace or be submerged.

engagement is addicting. if your sole source of validation is the response to being an argumentative contrarian it can lead you to escalating levels of crankery devolving into self-parody, forever chasing that next hit of attention. alternatively you can be funny online with basically no downsides

ISO: band members for a band who does covers but mumbles & mush mouths the not so well-known parts but is super confident when the easy parts & chorus come in. I got keys & lead vocals covered. Must bring enough snacks for lead vocalist & keys.

St. Peter: Why should I let you into heaven?

Me: Once a coworker said "supposably" 7 times in a meeting and I just let her

St. Peter: Get in here

Dear neighbour watering your already lush, green lawn: you’re an asshole.

A bunny wears an oversized coat in the style of David Byrne of the Talking Heads, and does a funny dance on stage while singing for an audience. The shoulders of his coat ruffle awkwardly, but he's having a good time and so are the viewers

Daily bunny no.3040 has stopped making sense

Standing in front of a fan while spraying rosewater into the air like a very elegant swamp cooler

Hear me out.

A flight...but of breakfast cereals

Closeup of a brown cottontail rabbit

They get close to me and I feel special or maybe I just smell like rabbit ass

Al Overview Willem Dafoe is not in Rogue One: A Star Wars Story, but he has appeared in other Star Wars films, including The Last Temptation of Christ (1988).

I honestly can’t believe there are still any AI skeptics out there. This tech is obviously revolutionary

We Should Rebuild #photography, #photographyofbluesky, #fujifilm, #longisland #blackandwhitephotography

If you look good enough to eat then the heartburn is implied.

i was attacked by a weregoat and i'm bleating out

Everyone has skeletons in their closet? Not me, that's like the most obvious place to hide them.

Waiting for waterfalls to chase me.

Wendy's fast food bag with "EAT THIS FOOD. OR DONT. YOU'RE going to DIE EITHER WAY."

the Netflix Addams Family marketing at Wendy's is kinda fucked up

I did the hokey pokey but I never did turn myself around

Fun fact: it turns out that I’m the only person in my workplace that has not, as an adult, shat my pants

I need to know how to acquire the corn boots

I believe this deer thinks I'm walking a baby deer and/or he is very confused by the blobby star mass appearing on the trail before him.

A forehead kiss from a 747 coming in hot over JFK would heal me.

we could run towards each other from opposite ends of the pedestrian tunnel if you want to

Eventually, I’ll get to each and every one of you.

Wearing Mickey Mouse ears hat

Selfie

Street 🌸art

COOL I gotta get less dumb