Bryan Blessed

Yer da's catatonic after stalking yer maw on TikTok and ending up seeing a video of her getting married to her new man 'Millsy' in Vegas.

I had a date with a lad who was really into computer hacking. Well, I say "date"; I gave him a lift home on my moped and we went to his room where he showed me he could change my Biology grade from an F to a C. I told him to change it back but he hacked into NORAD and almost started a nuclear war.

TBF, it's bold to trust an environmentally ruinous computer system do your work because you demonstrably can't be arsed when every question your constituents ask is at serious risk of being responded to with an entirely unrelated, positive take on Nazism.

I didn't even know bats were Catholics.

nothing beats a jet2 holiday and right now you can save 50 pounds per tiktok ALT: nothing beats a jet2 holiday and right now you can save 50 pounds per tiktok

Hey, British people. You're probably not aware, but *nothing* beats a Jet2 holiday; and right now you can save £50 per person - that's £200 off for a family of four.

Makes you think.

Cat deterrent apparently. I'm pretty sure that's what the dog's for too tho.

A 79 year old bastard on a roof.

No comment.

Penny, a shorthaired Border collie.

Gang. This is Penny and she'd like a ball thrown RIGHT HECKING NOW.

Not just one, a triptych.

German head...

Glaswegian Heart...

Having a St. Mungo's. It's been a moment.x

a close up of a bald man wearing glasses and smiling . ALT: a close up of a bald man wearing glasses and smiling .

Sitting with the family discussing men who've been cancelled for various reasons, gang.
Truly, nature is healing.

Scottish roofers today.

We just arrived on a *very* brief mercy mission and our train was cancelled. On the plus side, we found a really great new bus service, so...

The UK balancing sensible caution with hysterical overreaction to a storm, IRL:

It was going to be Waitrose but it didn't work without the Clubcard MacGuffin.

Yer da prefers it when shops mix sweetcorn in with the tuna mayonnaise filling for their pre-packed sandwiches.

Me, when I'm Inspector Morse and I've lost my policeman partner guy at Tesco and I'm ready to pay but he has my Clubcard because it's one of those wee ones you attach to your car keys and he drove us there because I'm still shitefaced from last night.

Yer da thinks Dutch is a real language.

That's how *real* men spit water all over themselves was the message I took from it.

Colour me inspired.

I mean, this mad dream is endlessly piquing my interest, but I do rather wish my fever would break soon.

Is this going to be £11.99's worth of fun if I sign up to troll the flipping heck out of it?

It would be *so* awful if someone made a flippant comment like "he'll be able to stream it for real via Facetime soon."
Nobody do that please or I'll cancel you personally.

Because the charming Brit's secret that may upend their relationship is that he's Olive from On the Buses' ghost.

I could (would prefer to) eat that with my hands tied behind my back.

I only do thoughts and prayers, unfortunately. I do that after disasters too and they've all ceased, so at least we know it works.

Thoughts and prayers.

*so* typische.