Bryan Blessed

Nominative determinism writ large: Mary Beard

I'm watching Mary Beard go on about the Romans on PBS.

Fun fact: Mary Beard was the only member of ZZ Top who had a beard.

This hairy lad has shaved his hands and now looks like a chubby Biffo.

Thank you for your attention to this matter.

Fathers4Justice: the Motion Picture.

Smoke 'em up! It's John Bender!

Gang. GANG! John Bender of Shermer High School detention fame is 65 and eligible for a free bus pass!?

I'm watching the A-Team and there's nothing any of you can do about it.

*That's* power.

Having successfully guided Elgin City to the Scottish Premiership title in Championship Manager '97/'98, I'm demonstrably the very man for this job.

I simultaneously love and hate that anyone understood this gag.

🚨BREAKING🚨
Bertie the cat just had his first shite in four and a bit days.

I cannot overstate how much of a relief this is.

Get a cat, they said... It'll be therapeutic, they said...

GROYMZ! GROYMZ! CAM BICK! PLEEYZE! OY LAV YOWAH, GROYMZ AN' OY MEES MOY KEEDZ, GROYMZ! I YOOZD MOY INFONEEYT REESOORCES T' MIK A RAYCEEST JOWAK MASHEEEN, GROYMZ!

I always find it telling when someone considers the "roast" to be the comedy's zenith. The comedy which relies entirely on having a single target who can't hit back? Cool, bro.

Kris Kristopher Kristienofferssen tells tragic Irish lady who was right about the Catholic Church the whole time to tell the audience to get themselves away to fuck.

Do a vulgar roast... use forbidden words.

He's like a splendid cautionary Greek myth; the wealthiest man ever but all he really wants is to be funny, and yet he's been cursed with an singularly abject wit dearth.

"I would pay you even less if it wasn't illegal."

The couple in bed meme. She's thinking "I bet he's thinking about how the new individualism can survive a fightback against Randian libertarianism again..." He's thinking "I'm committed to the agency and worth of the self as a concept but I accept the importance of building a cohesive society without feeling the need to fully embrace socialism..."

Trying to get a peaceful night's sleep on a Sunday is fun right?

The security guards did awfy well to have chased Renton from the old Menzies on Princes Street to the top of Leith Walk to be fair.

People these days forget that government restrictions meant Barry Norman had to do all his film reviews in sign language in case he said anything nice about Irish Republicans.

I've got "I can't find a school for my kids" and "but they promised I wouldn't be conscripted" on repeat at the moment.

Post a movie from where you’re from.

A Christmas tree with hunners of stuff on.

A traditional Christmas lobster.

Elefant from off of Die Maus.

A beaver, a disco ball and a German dog.

New tree. Who dis?

Doug Quaid is going to the Hague for crimes against Christmas

Me, marching into a lecture theatre and dramatically throwing the course textbook into a bin:
Oh shite! Sorry! I didn't mean to do that! We're totally going to need that book!

The love between Wayne and Waynetta is an unrelenting joy, so I'll take that.

We're a couple of loose cannons; we play by our own rules.

I've got soup in the slow cooker, my fine lady wife (comely lass, virtue true, etc.) has baked bread, and now we're going to put the Christmas tree up.
What I'm saying here isn't that we're simply better than all of you lot in every single way, but be in no doubt: we absolutely are.x

When I was younger I used to listen to techno, mainly. Nowadays though, my favourite genre is anti-woke Americans who've moved to Russia, trying to mask their immense regret in interviews.

🎶they go with cheese, chilli, fish, fingers, fish fingers
eggs on..eggs off, pork chops🎶

You are welcome.

People these days forget that the British Empire was built on Navy captains using Samsung Chat 335s.

The Pope crooning

🎶Birds Eye Potato Waffles
They’re Waffly Versatile
Grill ‘em, bake ‘em,
load ’em, love ‘em
Waffly Versatile🎶

Titanic couple's pocket watch sells for record £1.78m The 18-carat Jules Jurgensen engraved watch was owned by first class passenger Isidor Straus, who died when the ship sank in April 1912.

If the buyer is reading this, I've got a Casio digital watch worn by George Carew when he went down with the Mary Rose and it still works! My gran told me it was given to him by Henry VIII during a Secret Santa thing at the Admiralty in 1539.
It's got a calculator on it too and I'll accept £500 ONO.

Stop trying to make felch happen.

I've accidentally read the latest RFK news, gang.